Moon On My Wings

Fir Wahi Raat Hai

2011-12-31T01:30:00.006+05:30

Its one of those nights. Nights when even after everyone is asleep and your tired body is demanding sleep it badly needs, your mind refuses to. Or is it your heart that does not want to?

Nights when you feel that strange delicious melancholy that you do not want to let go of, nostalgia that you want to linger in for just a little bit more.

Nights when you want to listen to songs that make you feel warm and alive and lonely at the same time.

Nights that make you yearn for something unknown that you feel you lost. Yet, you know not what.

Nights when the heart unlocks its forgotten doors and entices you to take a walk down lanes whose memory was starting to grow hazy for you; and once you decide to take that tentative stroll it takes you down paths you once knew and comes up with memories you didn't know you had lost, like shiny-bright pennies on a foggy night.

One of those quiet nights when I think about and feel nostalgic for many such nights in the distant past, a past which sometimes seems like it was yesterday and like another lifetime - all at the same time. Like the one spent watching the rain-slick, yellow-lit Delhi mall road from my window. Or the summery one spent watching the stars as I lay on grass slick with dew and listened to distant sounds of life and laughter elsewhere. The one spent on an overnight train, sharing a shawl and life stories with someone. Oh, and that one, one of my favorites, on terraces of various houses and hostels - spent chatting with my sister and/or our friends. Listening to music. Always the music in the background.

A night which makes me think about people in my life, that are. Of those who were. Friends who belonged to me, or the ones I belonged to. People who touched my life and went past ... like the proverbial trains in the night. And the ones who made a place and stayed on. About old, rusted questions that I have answers to now and the ones which remain. Lending a little mystery and romance.

This night makes me gaze back for no reason and when I do, those distant days seem like small pods where we lived uncaring of the past and oblivious of the future. Even tonight, there is no joy or pain or fear or excitement in looking back; just a calm curiosity. Like wiping a window frosted with time to see what lies behind.

This night. These nights. They leave me with the dreaminess I need to go on. Go on till I will have another one of these trysts. Raat to roz dhalti hai magar, Kaun jaane fir kab aisi shab miley. Who knows when that will be.

Know who to ask

2009-07-28T18:42:00.003+05:30

This is how an SMS exchange between Praks and me over the weekend goes ...

Praks: I'm getting a hair cut. This guy is suggesting that I straighten a bit of hair in the front and leave the rest curly as is. What to do?

Me: Go ahead!It may look good, if not, you could just straighten all after a few days

Praks: I knew you would say this! What else can I expect from a girl who colored her hair magenta. I shall go for it :)

Learning- If you want advice you can follow, know who to ask.

That's What

2009-07-16T09:54:00.003+05:30

This is the kind of thing you need to have to feel at all times, that you are loved and can go on. That you can crawl out of your shell or look up from a crazy sprint and know that there's comfort and conversation and laughs and the warm feeling anytime you want them. Ser, I'll say it again. You're my person. This made my day, may be even the week :)

MJ is gone

2009-06-26T14:30:00.010+05:30

I woke up to the shocking news of Michael Jackson's death and though I do not have tears for him, as I watched the images on the telly I had goosebumps and a deep sense of loss. I don't think there's anyone from my generation who has not been impacted by his music and I am no exception. Saying something about what a phenomenon he was and how great his music was etc. just seems unnecessary - who's there who doesn't know about it? You love him and his music or like it or even, may be, don't like it; one thing you couldn't do was ignore it.

For me, his music has been part of my growing up years, songs I listened to from recorded cassettes on our sky blue Sanyo two-in-one stereo. Songs that we would play in hostel parties and get-togethers during school years. Songs that would sometimes play on the 1 am wicked hour show on the Delhi FM (the old one, the first, the best one) - as J, me and roomies would lie awake in our Hudson Lines student traps near DU. Watching his music videos that my friend Nishant would download, late into the night between group work, maggi and assignments (this was of course pre youtube era). No matter which year it was and which track, his music was eternally cool.

It has been some time since he gave music that would capture me like it used to, but him being gone is a loss all the same. Anyone who has been a fan and hasn't already been there, always wanted to see him live, hear him sing, do his thing. Attend a concert and be a part of the spell everyone said he could cast. Its all folklore now and with him gone that hope's gone too. Still no matter that the news headlines say 'death of music', music is all that remains.

RIP MJ.

His Obituary at BBC.

Back Home

2009-06-25T15:20:00.006+05:30

This isn't about me coming back home, I reached back about 20 days back but my story is there in the unpublished drafts and will eventually come out. This is about a friend who came back home after 3 years. S and I went to pick him at the airport and as we waited I kept thinking when was it that I became friends with him.

Sudip and I go back many years but like with most of my good friends I do not remember how I came to be his friend. I just know that he was my senior at MICA who was always sweet to talk to and had a sense of humor, also he would use my comp sometimes when he needed it. On one such day when he was working on my computer and I was snoozing, he had shaken me awake to tell me that someone had flown an airplane into WTC. I thought he was kidding and didn't want to wake up ... we had rushed to the mess (where the only TV except for class rooms and media centre was) only to watch stunned as the second plane went in. The two of us remember this and mention this often, its one of my few memories of time with him at that time. After he graduated I met him once in Bombay where he was working and I was doing my summer training. As I was saying, I am not sure when we became such good friends.

After MICA I was working in Delhi for a few months and he was also there, we would sometimes meet up on weekends, I would order the Aloo Attack pizza from Pizza Hut, he some carnivore option and we'll eat sitting on the terrace of his home and talk. I loved that pizza, its no longer on their menu and a big reason why we always obliged Pizza Hut was that it was Sudip's client and he could claim all the bills! After three months I moved to Bombay and in some time he moved to Cal, which is where his family is and joined the same firm I was with. My Quali (Qualitative research) wanderings took me to Cal often and on the days we weren't eating at one of the wonderful places he chose, his mom would cook the yummiest bong food for me (yes, there ARE vegetarian options). She still cooks for me every chance and even sends food if someone is taking a flight to Bombay. One of the reasons auntie likes me so is because I eat without fuss :)

Oh and we met at a few domestic and foreign locales over the years for our office trainings and conferences, where we wouldn't necessary hang out together but would have a shopping stint or a walk or a fun conversation which kept the warmth in the friendship.

Another thing I'm not so sure of is when S and Sudip became friends, but they did and I'm even a wee bit jealous at times that they are so thick, he's my friend after all! S is someone who gets along with most people but he has few friends which he's close to and Sudip is one of them. I have a large number of very close friends and I'm OK if the guy is not chuddi buddies with all of them, yet its really nice to have that too. It makes Sudip, Praks, me and S this really cosy group. (I've mentioned Praks before but just to remind you - she's my batch mate from MICA and is one of my closest friends. She is a super-long blog post herself.)

Now, Sudip has had more than his fair share of problems in life and he's dealt with them with more poise than anyone I know, always joking about a scenario rather than feeling sorry about it. We always talked about everything that's going on in our lives and have always managed to look forward and rib each other about whatever it is. Three years back, to sort out some of his issues he needed more money and took up a job offer at Dubai. We met many times during these years - he's visited us, on both our visits to Dubai we've had a really good time together. He has remained a confidante to Praks' mother and teases my mom every time he talked to her. We all took a wonderful trip together to Bhutan with Sudip, S, Praks, Me and Brishti all having a blast of a time. Brishti is his adorable 10 year old niece, or now his daughter since the legalities are done. The trip started with one of aunty's famous Bengali feasts which had all of us panting like dogs with overstuffed bellies. So as much as I ponder, I am not able to figure out when was it that we ceased to be just friends and came to be family.

In the last few days before coming back he's been saying that he's had a good three years where he made more friends than he knew he would, he did well at work, managed to win some personal battles and lost a few ... like his dad. Now is the time, he's put the foundation and is starting a new chapter in his life. Yesterday when he came out of the departure gate, he looked happy and moved at the same time. He saw me and said,"Three years ago when I went you were standing here saying bye to me, now I've come back and you are still here?"

For all my endless doubts and questions, this is an awfully easy one. Where else would I be? Welcome back.

Quick Hi

2009-05-04T19:22:00.004+05:30

Hey All, I'm missing from the page because I'm busy doing the ONLY thing I like more than travel. Plan, research (to death), imagine, research more, prepare for - the travel ITSELF! :)

One graduation, 10 places, too many people I like, one mega road trip, some re-visits, some new, fabulous company, a very excited me. Sounds like the journey's already begin. :)

For Ser

2009-04-20T15:35:00.010+05:30

Ser, my dear girl, it has kind of become the norm for me to be living parts of whatever is going on in your life with you. Its a norm I quite like. So it is no wonder that I have been thinking of all my house-shifting experiences as you go through yours. All 19 of them. 10 with the family (4 of them partial), 4 with the sis and 5 all on my own. Well don't gasp, I did say I was nomadic.

Like almost everything else in life since I was around 2 years old, I remember these also in vivid detail - the houses as well as the shifts. The weeks of sifting, discarding, discovering long-forgotten things, packing, labeling and the far too many goodbye lunches and dinners. The way a home suddenly just looked like a house on the mornings the stuff moved - stripped bare of the life and order. The way each of us would walk around the house slowly to see our private places, memorize some hidden stories or make the last dash to say goodbyes to friends (my mom has stories of me hugging a few trees and pillars). Leaving behind mornings, days and nights of your life that you had spent there - loving, laughing, fighting, growing, living.

I also remember and in brighter colors, is how different the energy and sound levels would be at the new house. The pace at which the same people, who were dragging their feet some time back, would rush about from room to room already visualizing how each place should look, what should go where, what needs to be done, who needs to be called in etc. As the big pieces would fit in and the kitchen would be set up, there would be a semblance of order again, with the numerous boxes to be unpacked in order of priority over days, at a more leisurely pace. Mostly as the day ended and all of us would sit down on the dinner table, it would be the beginning of a life in a new place and it would be the beginning of a new home. There was a strange enthusiasm and hope in that day.

The longest I lived in a house is 9 years and that was 15 years ago, I still dream of that place (a very 'last night I dreamt I went to Mandarlay again') and when I wake up in deep sleep my hand looks for the door latch at a level where it used to be in my room in that house. May be its also has to do with the fact that J went to boarding house from there and we've only spent long months of vacations at home over years. STILL, every home after that has its own precious stories and moments. Every home hurt as much to leave. From the teenager chaos of the Jaipur home and the crazy revelry of the Hudson Lines house near DU campus where J and I stayed with friends. Though I have to say that the home my dad built us in Jaipur about 10 years back (which is another post) has been an anchor through all the wandering and now with our home here in Bombay, I've known a kind of stability which is calming and (if you know me) distressing in turns.

So what I have to say to you is something I suspect you already know but it helps to hear it being said. The thing about moving is not just the pain of leaving behind a thousand memories, growing-up stories and a part of yourself with them; its also the hope of what is to come and what the new home can be. Its about the memories you are already creating as you buy a switch for this home and laugh at the silliness of expecting the newspaper, milk and cable connection to materialize on their own. Once you've shed your tears for the house you grew up in, it can only get easier. Or so they say.

Keeping us safe

2009-04-13T15:59:00.005+05:30

The Jagrut Mumbaikar team conducted an awareness session in my society over the weekend. This included presentations by the cops from the local police station and the firemen. Not only was it a well thought-out and comprehensive talk including various scenarios like fire, floods, small household accidents, terror attacks etc. and the dos, don'ts for each. A lot of small day-to-day issues were included which made it very relevant. Also, it was very well delivered and they spoke with examples and pictures from past incidents that the team had been a part of, which gave the entire thing a lot of credibility. At the end, the society even received a certi that it has been made aware! Very impressive indeed. What was even more impressive was the huge turnout of people which stayed throughout the two hour presentation.

I think this is a wonderful initiative and they plan to do it for as many societies as possible. Would urge you all to make sure this happens for yours, the website gives the phone numbers etc. and if it isn't already on the cards you could invite them. Its good to be Jagrut afterall, my Mumbaikars.

A thousand words

2009-04-13T15:34:00.005+05:30

Friday night saw me looking at one of the nicest night views in Bombay. We (S,Abhi and me)decided to drive to Tardeo for dinner at Oh!Calcutta and on our way we thought that why not drive around a little too. After all there's much merit in loitering around orange-lit roads at night, a lesson I learnt well while cruising the South Delhi roads. So we ended up at the point at Malabar Hill from where you can see the entire trail of blazing lights that is Marine Drive, from Oberoi right up to Chaupati. From where I stood I could see the entire arc, the lights from the cars, throng of people on the tiny beach below, the gentle waves coming in, I could even see a tiny boat silhouetted in the reflection from the Nikon neon sign across. It was one of those moments when even if there's chatter around you, you are in a place where it all seems distant. This isn't the first time I was looking at this view but with the huge orange moon that hung over marine drive, it was something else.

Given above is an example of a picture speaks a thousand words. That is, if you can find a picture worthy of the sight you see.

P.S: If I manage to take a picture which captures it all for me, will post. Don't like any I got. Could any of you out there help?

Celebrity Spotting

2009-04-06T14:49:00.007+05:30

As is always the case at Prithvi, there was much celebrity spotting, though a piece of Prithvi furniture called Makarand Deshpandey was missing. Shashi Kapoor was there, looking far more handsome and elegant than he did in his younger days - white hair, white kurta pajama. Its only natural that he be there to watch a play, still it was kind of nice to see him, he looked a little unwell though. There were a lot more, including the newly famous Jago re guy from the Tata Tea commercial - who hung around before the play long enough to be spotted and left soon after some people obliged.

I don't think I have told you this, according to S, I am a magnet for sidey celebrities or may be I am the only one in this world who recognizes them! I think I remember Parul mentioning in one of her posts that she saw and recognized Ritu Shivpuri ... now that's the kind of thing I am talking about! In every flight, every mall visit, visit to our club, every time we are eating out - I almost always end up spotting them, its like they know I am around and come crawling out of the woodwork. The ones from TV soaps, I don't know too many but I'm so good at the game that I look at body language and know that they think they are celebrities!

The dictionary of course doesn't have the word 'sidey' so it technically doesn't exist but I love it, it so fittingly describes a certain kind of people.

Anyway, don't trust S's claim about the sidey bit, he includes Vir Sanghvi, all politicians and even Shubha Khote and her daughter Bhavna in sideys. Imagine! That woman Bhavna starred in Dekhi Bhai Dekh, that should mean something! Not one to give up easily, I am out to prove him wrong. To make it harder he has refused to admit evidence from incidents more than two years old, which ruled out my Quali days when I could recite the breakfast menu for most airlines , traveled with flight full of TV cast and crews for popular (unheard of) soaps which made all aunties run amok and moved around with the likes of Imran Hashmi, Mahesh Bhatt and the idiotic curly-haired guy from that man's bleach cream ad. Er, I think I lost the point a bit.

He also passed the ruling that the people I 'go' to see in plays, premiers, concerts, FW etc. do not qualify as a 'spotting'! How unfair is that! I should take out a morcha against such heartless rulings!My protest is even more centered around the premier(s), though there's only one I have ever been to, its the quality that matters after all and it was to the premier for Rang De Basanti I went and how not to term spotting the cast as spotting?!Is there no justice?! I only hope those not part of the play/concert/premier/FW and present as audience are admissible or I will have to call the human rights people.

All this talk reminds me of two landmark celebrity events in my life - my meeting with the very good looking Rajiv Gandhi when I put tilak on his forehead and he pinched my cheeks in return (I was all of 8) , a mousy looking Soniya Ji was also there. The second event happened many many years later when I walked into the elevator at Holiday Inn, Pune with my dad to see Dharam ji there, noticing my wide-eyed excited look he leaned and said to me in his Dharam voice 'Hulloo Laidyee'. It was totally cool, my dad only asked me later who the gentleman saying hello to me was and S hullo-laidyees me every so often to bug me.This was also my very first celeb spotting. In later years with freshers parties and college fests being infested with known names it no longer remained a novelty. Anyhow, I am mighty proud of the ignorant or disdainful look I manage for the wannabe celebs. Its another matter when I spot some real celebs (by my standards) and sports people or its someone I know my mom would be majorly excited to know about and so I frantically SMS her ... she's the only one who truly shares my enthusiasm. Or J. Or may be Abhinav.

Still in recent times I have proven S wrong with more thumping evidence, what with PC, Bebo and Saif (flapping his arms, imitating an aeroplane at security check) hovering to be spotted. S only sighs about me and the family being filmi :)

Jis Lahore Nahi Dekhya

2009-04-06T13:51:00.009+05:30

My foot is a bit better but hasn't healed as it was supposed to, so I'm still not allowed to move around much. Given this, quest for entertainment available at ground floor level took us to one of my favorite places - Prithvi, I have written about my love for the place earlier as well. This was followed by a long, relaxed din at Mahesh Lunch home. Abhinav was also with us and its a weekend tradition all three of us have come to enjoy and look forward to.

The play we watched was 'Jis Lahore Nahi Dekhya', its a much acclaimed one which S has been wanting to catch for some time, we did manage to for their 139th show. The script was very tight with sharply drawn characters and many acts which were short and crisp, they made the story progress very well. The actors were all really good and though it would be a treat to watch Surkeha Sikri play the key role of Ratan's mother (as was the case in its initial days) overall the performances were really good. The story though set in post-partition Lahore is very relevant today, may be far too much for comfort.

Grounded

2009-03-05T12:59:00.006+05:30

As I stood at the airport waiting for my luggage to arrive, back from my 20 day trip, I thought to myself that once the stuff arrives I will say with a sigh that my trip is over and it was all very good. This is precisely what I did. I should have waited a few days.

I twisted my foot badly a few days into the trip and since it didn't trouble so much I went on with the high heels, dance till you drop routine. One wedding and four places later I was in Jaipur and all geared up for the next wedding - where my childhood friend was getting married to my school friend!That done, when the foot started paining I popped a few painkiller's and went on with the next wedding. This was my favorite aunt's son - one of my favorite cousin getting married, so for five days it was running around, managing the things, dancing around, no sleep, meeting up everyone, lots of laughter, marathon dance sessions, food, jewelry, heels et all. It was so much fun that I was beginning to wonder that something would go wrong but it (seemingly) didn't and I was back in Bombay.

Sigh.The foot still paining, turning a ghastly shade of black so I went to the doc, he took a look and pronounced a very un-healed, very torn ligament, at a very sensitive place. Sob sob. He also glared at me and lectured me about not turning up earlier. It didn't help a bit that he called it a 'text book case' and caused much undisguised glee and dekkho among the three sidekick student-doctors who were hovering. One of them even went on to exclaim in an excited voice about how she had read about it the very same day. Thanks, hopefully my ligament would be as happy to know this. SO. Foot in bandage (since the time for a cast and crutch is long past) for ten days, where no walking on this foot, only being at home and wallowing in misery. This will be followed by more X-rays to rule out hairline fractures, followed by physiotherapy (since we didn't start in time ... I get it, I'm the villain in my own story!!). It'll be a few (painful) months before its all well.

Me at home. Only reading, watching TV, surfing, sleeping, phoning(!) and eating. No going out (you may not all the time but you need to know you can!). No walking around. There are of course pluses like friends dropping in with goodies (nariyal pani, chocolates, sandwiches!Thanks, May.) and pretty flowers (below. Thanks, Amrita!), sympathetic and loving phone calls, S being all caring etc.

P.S. All you buri nazar walas, who said with malice and not joy in your hearts that I was always roaming about, gallivanting, off-to, travelling; I will give you more once I'm up and running! Till then a 'muh kala'.
All you wonderful people who said it with joy and camaraderie, much love and may you get to do all the travelling you want in life! (Can also say 'muh safed' if you so wish!)

They Said It

2009-03-03T16:01:00.008+05:30

One of the families I was visiting for one the (many) weddings I attended recently had an aquarium with many colorful fish. Needless to say the thing was a magnet for the swarm of kids running the place over. One kid who must be around 2-3 years old is observing the fish and suddenly runs to approach the aunt the house belongs to and with hands on his hips says in his best accusatory tone ,"Aapki machliyan doob rahi hain!"

Who was it again, saying that 'Saving Fish From Drowning' is a stupid title for a book?!
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Being the patient listener to my gripe about 'its the humidity!' frizzing up my hair, Ser and Aj gifted me a bubblegum pink hair straightener for my b'day. All excited about it ,I'm busy putting it to wonderful use before a party when S walks into the room, looks at me all bewilderment and exclaims,"Why are you stapling your hair with the giant stapler!" :D He's adorable, isn't he?
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S and I are watching the Oscars. The Slumdog Millionaire team is on stage to receive the Best Picture award, there's much applause and noise etc. After a little while Nanda didi - our housekeeper and cook, comes in and sounds all excited and worked up when she asks me - wo chawli ke bacchhon ko prize mila kya? (did the children from the chawl/slum win the award?) She's watched the movie on (an obviously pirated) CD and his son is in love with it, wanting to watch parts of it once everyday.

I do not have the heart to get into the nitty gritties of the movie and not the children being nominated and so on, so I just tell her that they did. She's ecstatic!

To me all the print space CCs and airtime wasted on whether India can claim the movie as its own or not are stupid in that moment. If a kid from the slum (and his mother) feels that its the story of him and other kids like him, who are we to play spoilsport?

Sublime Sunday

2009-03-01T12:25:00.006+05:30

It is a Sunday morning at home after many Sundays. I wake up early as the maid comes while there's still water in the taps. Then I read the newspaper, sit around for a while absorbing the feel of my home. The guy in the society who plays groovy music at a loud volume on Sunday mornings hasn't woken up ... or may be he's away too, I'm sure I'm not the only one gallivanting away. I don't feel like putting music on and destroying the calm. The sun is filtering through all the windows in all the rooms. Its all very quiet, the kind which makes you feel like tip-toeing and whispering even when noone's around.

S is still sleeping, he looks very innocent, not that he looks otherwise when awake :) Its the perfect kind of time to get back to bed with a book and that's what I do, stealthily, so as not to wake him. The walls are bright with the sunlight coming in through the white curtains and the room seems to be glowing. There is a slight breeze and I watch the lazy patterns forming on the wall with the sun, the window bars and the trees outside.

I am reading with my back to S and suddenly he turns in his sleep , holds me tight as if to stop me from going anywhere. With his face in my neck, I feel his breathing and keeping the book away, I lie back. Sometimes it so happens that even a nomad gets tired and finds the way back home.

I'm back.

Ta Again

2009-02-03T17:32:00.003+05:30

Hey you all. I'm on my way to the cross country sojourn which will involve a much-awaited stay with the in-laws (have been twice in five years, for two days each) my dutiful ratings are gonna break the ceiling I tell you! Chattisgarh, places I haven't been to, weddings, food, dressing up, relatives and inevitable questions about ... when is the good noooozz?!

I'm gonna love some it and I'm gonna survive all of it. :)

Thoughts Back Home

2009-01-27T12:51:00.009+05:30

Thank you all, for missing me! S and I came back last night at about 3 am and I'm all cranky with sleep. I will write about my meet-the-people trip later but just a few thoughts before I nap.

Among those spending the Republic Day Weekend in Dubai, there are some who do not want to be seen doing this (may be they told the friends that they were sailing in South of France). Hence, can typically be heard making such conversations as they deplane, to dissipate their suddenly LS image : Isn't it so artificial ... I just don't feel like going out the airport! Pray tell me, you did not know where it was headed when you got onto this flight? Neena called and said she has rented a villa South of Istanbul or may be it was France, I told her we were very busy or would have joined ... I tell her only this - it's all cool. We understand. You don't want to be seen as a Dubai-going person, but then these are recessionary times - be easy on yourself!
I was pleasantly surprised that the TV had our very own Doordarshan channel! I realized that watching Republic Day parade on Doordarshan and waiting for the Birla Balika Vidyapeeth Band (better known as the Pilani girls band) still gives me the same high. Its my school (one of the many) after all!
Whichever class I travel, I could never cut somebody off and thrust my passport in to tell someone, anyone that they should wait in the line for Economy as this one is for Business/First. Ever. Which is what this evil uncle who was ahead of us in line did this to an unsuspecting foreigner backpacker couple. So much for Athithi Devo Bhav. Seriously, how can you do that?! It would like, take a minute or two for them to get done, why be so rude? When I used to travel to work by local train, I could not even bring myself to walk to the front of the line and buy a first class pass if there wasn't already a separate queue, while an entire serpentine line waited. In fact, that reminds me of how these aunties in the local trains would go up to people who didn't pass their visual examination and ask them to show their first class pass! Imagine that! I'm still infuriated.
I have opened the registration for people who want to join me in my morcha to get Ikea to India. I am tired of lugging stuff every time!Anyway, half of the stuff me wants is un-luggable :(

Ta!

2009-01-22T13:13:00.003+05:30

Me off to my second vacation in as many months! If only I could keep up the consistency!

I shall be back after four long, tiring days of fun. Miss me.

Good? Bad? Ah, just mix it all!

2009-01-19T17:44:00.008+05:30

There's no such thing as a bad thing. Or good. Its all just a messy, sticky bundle of both. It seems that every good thing in life leaves behind it a bit of sadness and vice versa. May be this is how it is supposed to be, to balance it out.

Amit is in India for his father's barsi, in fact he has been visiting every six months since the last year and I have been able to meet him more frequently than I have in all the years J and he have been gone ... which is SO good and would be really great, if not for the sad reason behind it. He reached Saturday night and was here till today morning, a good 36 hours including a Sunday so YAY, I had a really great time this weekend.

It started with Amit, S and I having a late dinner on Saturday and chatting till late, followed by a majorly lazy Sunday morning with much chatting, laughs, breakfast and some quarreling between S and me over who would get up from the sofa first to get ready. We had planned to have lunch at Lemon Grass and landed there only to realize that its shut down! I stop my many-a-week visits to Phoenix Mills and see what happens to the place! They should have begged me not to quit my job (I used to work nearby) and they would have remained in business! I digress ... we finally went to another favorite - Tamnak Thai at Shivaji Park and had a very tasty and very hot lunch which had all three of us shedding much water from the eyes. Somehow I have a history of senti, heart-to-heart chats over meals with Amit; a history which easily goes back a decade. So in keeping with the tradition we did have a serious chat, though not so senti this time. Hey, where's that bravery award for me?! :)

The evening was much fun with Abhinav, Amit, S and I taking the party to town for a long walk at Marine Drive, many cups of Tea at Tea Centre (and I am a not even a tea/coffee drinker!), a few breezy hours of laughing, arguing, pulling each other's leg and having a good time followed by more of the same over drinks at Woodside Inn, accompanied with even more passionate discussing. Ser directed us there after we peeped into Mondy's and Leopold and wanted away from the crowded noises and table hogging (Thanks Ser, loved the place! ). After so much mehnat, we rested our tired bones and had dinner at the Worli Copper Chimney, dropped Abhi and returned home with happy memories. Ha! It was one of those days when you feel saturated from having laughed, talked, eaten too much and from having had entirely too much fun.

Later at night, S and I were talking and said almost the same thing wistfully. If J and Amit lived near us, around us or just not-so-f*****g-far-away from us, we could have had more of this, it could have been more than an annual/bi-annual event in our lives. I slept with this thought and woke up with it on one my (least) favorite days off late - Ooh!Monday! (@#$%) After much moping around and having a summarily crappy day, I had a thought.

I'm seeing this as the bad in my good but may be this is the good in my bad. I have these people in my life, I have the kind of family a lot of people would kill for and I also have some really really wonderful friends - may be more than my fair share (touchwood, people!) - most people are not as lucky to have this much. May be this is my good and if that's the case, I would pay the price gladly. I would take all the crappy Mondays and all the pining and missing and reminscing that is out there, to have this 'good' and won't mope either.

Colored Scraps and Blue Skies

2009-01-15T14:38:00.006+05:30

Hitch Writer's post here brought about a wave of nostalgia that I was trying to not let surface for some days. I have lived in Jaipur for a few of my growing-up years and my parents still live there, also I've spent two years at MICA in Ahmadabad. If you've ever lived in that part of the country or even been there in the winter months, you would know that with the sun up the skies turn the bluest blue you would see. In the backdrop of these azure days comes 14th Jan, which is a state holiday in both the states of Rajasthan and Gujarat, it being the much awaited kite flying festival, known as Makar Sakranti or Uttarayan respectively.

Although the kite-flying starts many days in advance, THE day is the final reckoning. I have memories of entire households camping it on the rooftops, armed with their music systems blaring the latest bolly music, platters of hot yummy snacks and food making their way ever so often, from a single warrior to an army of 8-10 kite-fliers manning a single terrace and a never-ending stream of visiting friends and relatives contributing to the kite-wars across terraces. These inter-terrace interactions were such fun, there would be much challenging, attacks, counter-attacks and sledging. With such colorful setting and the girls very much in the frey ... the start of a few romances was to be completely expected. After all, we don't watch our movies just for fun, there's much to be learnt from them as well! The colors, the energy, the food, the music, the war and the love of it all. Its to be experienced to be believed.

Although my abilities in the art are amateurish my dad is a pro and has many stories starting from the time when he was a boy and used to make his own manjha (the sharp thread used so that you can cut other kites) by coating the thread with crushed glass. Whenever we are together for the festival we troupe to buy the kites and other paraphernalia; whenever we are not we talk about the times we've had and dad tells me how he didn't feel like flying kites alone(without me) and got only few. Anyway he did most of the flying even when I was there, every time the boys from the neighboring terrace managed to cut more than 2-3 of my kites in a row I would call him to clear the skies for me. The bonus was of course no work in the maths class next day with everyone's fingers taped up with numerous band-aids. It was almost un-cool to not have your fingers criss-crossed with manjha-cuts as a proof of your valiance!

Even in the later years, in Ahmadabad me and my friends would climb on to the hostel terrace and spend the day flying a few kites and making much noise, chatting lots, lazing and munching most.

With all these compelling snaps-shots swirling in my head, I couldn't NOT fly a kite so I did. With no wind (courtesy the tall buildings around), borrowed kites, manjha and in the society compound. They didn't stay up for more than a minute and there was nothing war-like about it. However, I did manage to get them into the air and was as excited as any other kid around me. There are things which give you joy no matter what and it is joy all the same even if some of it may be borrowed from people, places, sounds, sights not present around you at the time.

Year of Finished Business

2009-01-13T18:24:00.004+05:30

This year has to be an year of new beginnings and of finishing the unfinished business (I AM writing the new year post, ain't I?).

May this be an year where the past is not forgotten and those who fell are not left there, an year where the wounds heal and those with compassion in their hearts find the time and courage to wear their hearts on their sleeves. An year where we don't completely lose the pain in our hearts but do find the hope to look to the future.

So all you guys out there, have a great 2009 and may we all have many beginnings and many happy endings in this year.

May this year be the year of finished business!

Moving ahead

2008-12-10T17:00:00.000+05:30

I have been away from my blog and my email account for the past few days ... checking them on my phone and not replying. After being glued to them day and night for the past many days I felt that I had to have something substantial to say in my next post. I just felt that I couldn't easily slip back to writing about trivial things in my life; that I couldn't suddenly be normal after everything that has happened. I should not have worried about it, all around me people who were affected have found ways to be and remain a part of this - whatever 'this' is. Overwhelmed is the emotion I have now, next to the grief and anger I talked about - the help and support that people have poured out in every way possible makes me feel like a part of a large whole, it makes me feel hopeful. I was afraid ... what if I got caught up in life and let 'this' die. I should not have worried.

All you guys, we didn't start this but we are going to keep this alive.

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Last Wednesday I went to Town, Town is what we like to call South Bombay. It was the longest drive ever - literally and figuratively. I had planned to meet a darling friend and her mum and also wanted to go to the peace march. A close friend didn't want me to go, his point was that there are other ways to help ... still on my way I had thought that I will go to Gateway, what he doesn't know can't hurt him (or me). There are things you need to do for yourself, this just seemed like one of them.

I was scared, I just wasn't sure how I would feel going back to the streets and places which for me are Bombay. I live in the suburbs in a very well-planned township which is cosmopolitan, has all the conveniences and joys which most parts of Bombay cannot afford like open spaces, parks, malls, movie halls, restaurants, nice looking buildings, minimum filth etc. - everything within a 5 min. walk radius. For living, this is the kind of place I would like to live in but this township could have been in any part of India. For me its the colonial structures, the oval maidan, the marine drive, the arched corridors at Fort, the painters at Kala Ghoda, the bustle at causeway ... these are what make it Bombay. The years that I have been here in this city, I have spent numerous days walking about and absorbing the feel of the place and they just keep me coming back. Even the book sellers who aren't there any more, Churchill, Jimmy Boy, NCPA, Rhythm House ... they all are such a part of this city for me that I was scared for what I will feel when I go back this time.

I did feel that heavy sadness which just settles on you, I felt the anger at the thought of these madmen roaming the streets of my city, I felt the sting of tears . But it was some other feeling that took over very soon. I saw the sea of humanity surging towards Gateway, I saw people of all ages, people from different walks of life, people with laptops and people with children, people in groups and people walking alone, people with banners, our flags - they filled the very streets where the terrorists had roamed less than a week back. With rumors still rife it may not have been the safest thing to have over 2 lakh people gather in a not so large space but it did not seem to matter. I was stuck in the traffic for almost two hours and even those who tried to walk it were a part of a pedestrian jam and never reached till Gateway, it hardly mattered though. I have to say that I have never seen or felt anything like it - that traffic snarl and that logistical nightmare was the nicest thing that happened to me after those days.

The movie Halla Bol has this dialogue which I completely love, Pankaj Kapoor (playing Siddhu) says ... Apne Jism pe chot lagne pe to janwar bhi rota hai, insaan wo hai to doosre ki chot mehsoos kar sake - Even an animal cries when there's a wound on its body, a human is one who can feel someone else's wounds.

Sometimes you just need to know that people are affected, that they will walk to a crowded Gateway to speak up - even if that's the only thing they do, that you live in a world where 'everything doesn't go'.

Can anyone guide me on this?

2008-12-04T12:56:00.000+05:30

My aunt who lives in Sydney is a very active member of the India-Club and has also been relaying the sentiments of those in Bombay to the community there. She wrote to me regarding the procedure to help those families who have suffered. I am posting her message here and would be thankful if any of you can tell me how to go about this.

Her Message:
A friend of mine would like to raise funds for one particular Police constable from Uttaranchal (Dehradun) who was amongst first casuality - his name is Rajinder Singh. She felt his family may find it very tough to survive financially so she intends to raise substantial amount for his family, especially for the education of his children. What are your thoughts on this? If we do this, how we can make sure that the money reaches his family and does not get lost in the system? Your advice will be very valuable on this.

They key questions are:

How to find and contact Rajinder Singh's family?
What is the best way to send this aid?
How to make sure it reaches the family directly?

Helping Us Heal

2008-12-02T15:59:00.000+05:30

The physical scars are easier to see and with time do heal. Its the mental and emotional trauma that is not always easy to identify and even if you do, difficult to deal with. In such times, professional help can help the healing process. This thought was driving me to find a way to help the people who have and are going through the trauma of the current crisis, so when I read Minal's comment on Ser's blog , I immediately talked to her.

Minal is a clinical psychologist and a counselor for animal-aided therapy. Also, she has provided the details for other doctors who might be able to help. I am giving the key details here and are also a part of her message below.

For Trauma Counselling and Psychiatric help :
Minal : 9987509102 and 9421004291
Dr.Machiswala (Head Psychiatrist - Masina Hospital, visiting doc for JJ hospital) - 9820081884

Please refer those around you who may have been rescued, are the victim's families or the people and families involved with the rescue operations to the given numbers. They may or may not be aware that they are in urgent need for this help. Also send any more contact numbers for those who can provide Counselling and Psychiatric help and I will update the given list.

Minal' message:

Serendipity's blog is a reflection of what most Mumbaikars and their families must have experienced in the last six days. Extreme stress, anxiety, loss, fear, trauma etc. It is very easy for us to quote the "Mumbai Spirit" where we go back to work the next day, but it is very difficult to overcome the deep trauma within that does not show outside. Post traumatic stress can set in soon after or even gradually , after a n extremely traumatic situation. Many people find it difficult to cope up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and many simply fail to realize that they are suffering from PTSD. After trauma, extreme fear, helplessness, or anxiety are normal short-term reactions that generally dissipate over time, as individuals cope and adjust.

But most of acute trauma sufferers, however, develop symptoms lasting longer than 30 days. Symptom duration distinguishes PTSD from normal acute stress reactions. PTSD's hallmark symptoms include re-experiencing the trauma, avoidance and/or emotional numbness, sleeplessness etc.

The best way to tackle it is to seek some kind of ventilation to the emotions (Catharsis) resulting from the trauma. A comforting hug from a dog is one way of letting out your pent up stress. This is called Animal Assisted Therapy. Animals are unconditional and their touch is soothing. Most of the time people in trauma or in a state of shock don't want to talk as they re experience the trauma. With animals you do not need to talk. Even if you hug the therapy dog, it provides you immense comfort and reassurance. It also helps in catharsis or venting out of emotions. A person may cry on hugging the dog as it releases the emotions locked up inside. Also the animal is non judgmental. An animal will not judge you for what you do or say, hence providing a very open environment to express oneself.

Please let me know if you know anyone who has been rescued from the Mumbai terror blast, family of survivors, or was a part of the rescue operation. Our NGO Animal Angels Foundation, comprising of counselors, therapists and trained Therapy Dogs are offering free counseling and visits by our therapy dogs for all the survivors, rescued/injured people.

You can contact me on 9987509102 and 9421004291. You can visit our website www.animalangels.org.in

You can also contact Dr.Machiswala (Head Psychiatrist - Masina Hospital) - 9820081884.

Looking forward to hear from you.

Regards,
Minal

Call for help : Help where it is needed

2008-12-02T11:48:00.000+05:30

"Don't waste on candles, bring us fruits and biscuits for the wounded,say doctors".

This small news piece in my HT today made me feel so foolish, I am so caught up in my anger and in what can make me feel better that I am forgetting something. While the political circus goes on, the news has been overtaken by it and may be so has been our efforts. While I don't say that we stop protesting and raising our voices, let us please not forget that along with the 100s that died, many 100s are wounded and lying in hospitals. They need our help and fast.

In terror attacks like blasts which have a sudden but large impact, the response from the public and the aid is faster to come as they are the first ones to start rescue efforts. In the current scenario, the fact that it went on for 50-60 hours the fear psychosis has kept a lot of people away and the hospitals have not received as much help as in some of the terrible fates this city has seen in the past - even in terms of blood donation the help has been lesser.

The doctors in this news piece say that these are govt. run hospitals where the funds constraints mean that nutritious items like fruits are not a part of the meals given to the patients. Also, at times the patient and especially the children shy from eating these meals well given that they are meant to be healthy and not tasty. In such cases even a packet of biscuit is a help in giving them supplements. "A good diet helps overcome trauma faster."

This is an appeal to everyone out there wanting to help, to all those planning to go to South Bombay for the Gateway Vigil tomorrow - please do what you can. Lets not just mourn our dead and forget our living.

DO NOT bring cooked food, bring only dry packaged food or fruits. Please bring/ send fruits and biscuits to the following :

JJ Hospital. Dr. Jaidev : 23735555
St. George Hospital. Dr. Ashok Shinde : 9869050622
GT Hospital : 22630553

This is what I got from the newspaper, I'm not sure if they require medicines or any other supplies, if any of you are aware please leave a comment. I will try to find out and update this.

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Update

Linking to Parul's post here as it links to some useful pages. Do check this.

Lets Speak

2008-12-01T13:21:00.000+05:30

This is a comment from an anonymous person on my blog, will consider it as a guest post. Thanks, stranger. :

I am amazed at how much I take for granted. When did I start believing and living my life as if I will surely not die before I turn 60 (or maybe 70)? That mundane events like heart-attack, diabetes etc. or absurd horrors like terrorists doing their "aakas" bidding would not cut short my "entitled" long life.

I have read several articles exhorting politicians to do something. "Make sure this does not happen again?" How? I have a hard time believing that the my government can save me from people hell bent on killing. Maybe, I should train and become an NSG commando. Shouldn't we all, just to remain sane and got out for dinner secure in the knowledge that we are much better prepared for our own safety?

It makes me really depressed to realize that for almost 99% of our existence, mankind has not had the luxury of assuming that they are safe in their homes--that there is a government or an NSG commando out their to protect us. What is the difference between the guys who attacked Mumbai, and Alexander or Ghengis Khan who wrecked havoc on the lives of people half way across the world? Maybe, Alexander is great only in the comfort of our living rooms.

We would like to believe that these terrorists who attack us are misguided? This gives us the hope that maybe some day they will get weary of being a lunatic by choice. Because we sure cannot stop them without our entire country turning into a huge army--at best next time we will be able to "sanitize" the city within an hour with only one person dead. Is that a success? Does it make the pain any less for Hemant Karkare's family that 179 other people were killed?

I am filled with rage not only about these attacks but also at the thought that the biggest issue obsessing Raj Thackrey and his goons before these attacks was how non-marathis were stealing jobs in Mumbai and how to terrorize them into leaving Mumbai. If the government is responsible for ensuring my safety, it is my duty to ensure that they are not distracted by lunatic sideshows periodically created by Shiv Sena. I am not trying to trivialize the issue about the "Darwinian" struggle for resources in Mumbai. The very idea that I have no other option but to hope that the government/army/NSG commandos will arrive in time protect me and my family, fills me with despair.

I hope this does not happen again. That's all I can do.

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Last year Praks and I went to the Elephanta festival, on our way there in the ferry as we looked back, the sun was setting, two Spanish women were singing a haunting melody and there was the Taj, in its awesome glory, dwarfing the Gateway. That moment and its feel will always stay with me but right now it moves me like never before.

A step at a time

2008-11-30T22:19:00.000+05:30

There was a memorial service and a candlelight vigil in our society for all those victims and those brave men - army, NSG, hotel staff, policemen who lost their lives in the recent ... what do I call them - events? massacre? madness? attacks? Attacks.

My society has about 250 flats and consequently a lot of people and its a society very active (and at times, hyper active) in celebrating every festival, general get - togethers, parties and stuff, so I do see people gather and chit chat, celebrate etc. However, I have never seen so many of the residents joining in, I saw faces I had never seen in the past 5 years, people poured out to light a candle and mourn the people they knew and didn't. Old ladies, fathers getting their children to light a candle, the youngsters who usually think it uncool to mingle with anyone above the age of 19. It touched me deeply that pain can get people together even more than joy.

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Since I have been jobless for some months I have taken to going down in the evening and after meeting a large number of people have made a few good friends. (For those of you who don't know me too well, I didn't get fired, I'm on a break).When I am down I usually notice stuff, it was part of my job description once and I have always been good at it. SO I am aware of the patterns of games the kids downstairs play and was surprised to see them doing something different in the evening today - the three young girls - 5-7 years old, had their bellies to the floor and were crawling on their elbows. I looked at one of my friends with a surprised look and she said,"They are playing commando". I didn't know whether to smile or well up about that.
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Yesterday a friend sent me this text message - 'Am I the only one who is bursting into tears every now and then?My anguish and outrage is overwhelming me'. The message came at a time when I was wondering the same and grappling with some questions that won't leave me. Am I the only one this affected? Why am I this affected? This surely isn't the only time this city has seen devastation.

All of you out there, believe me, we are all together in this unhappiness. Lets please not let go of it so easily, if we forget, who will remember?

How do we go on?

2008-11-29T13:06:00.000+05:30

I talked of many emotions yesterday and I am left with only two now. Grief and Rage. Grief and Rage. How could this happen to us? How DID this happen to us? There are horrifying stories of people being killed at point blank range, there are images of a young boy cremating his father and a father cremating his son, a mother talking to his brave son who lies in a coffin covered with the Tiranga, there is a sea of grieving, shocked family members. So many lives, SO MANY OF THEM. Left midway, truncated. Lives, families, children, friends, plans all left midway with a violent end. How WILL they ever recover from it? These guys they come barging into our lives and take over, just like that? Who are they? And what made them into these animals? What did these people who are lying dead ever do to them? Did god not give these boys the mental facilities which help you distinguish right from wrong? Did he not give them humanity? Such hate? What do their aakas hope to achieve from this, how will our despair help them?

The brave forces have completed the operations, after three very long days and even longer nights. They have killed some of the terrorists, they have also rescued so many of the precious lives. Still how can we say that we have conquered them?! We have been brought to our knees , they succeeded in doing what they started out to - done the damage to our lives, our city, our people and our spirit. If we cannot accept that, there is no way we could ever get up. The operations might be over but this is far from over. I have no clue where to go from here. How can I just go back to living my life like I did, as if nothing happened? And if I don't am I not letting them win? I don't know where to look for these answers, I don't even know if the answers exist.

My City Bleeds

2008-11-28T12:15:00.000+05:30

Grief. Anger. Helplessness. Rage. Tears. Goosebumps. Numbness. I finally find the strength to think and write about it. Its been hours and hours of this and Bombay is still burning, no one knows when will there be an end to this nightmare. We have been glued to the TV switching from one news channel to another for about 40 hours now, not able to sleep, eat or tear our ears and eyes away. The images of people with haunted eyes, blood soaked streets; the images of places we love, places we go to - burning, flicker behind my eyes even as I try to nap. And I worry, worry, worry.

As the terrified yet relieved faces of those rescued are shown on TV every once in a while, I tremble in relief for them and in grief for the numerous who did not, would not make it. What the survivors have gone through and what they have seen is going to haunt them for their lives. Neither are we. The images of The Taj building going up in flames, the sounds of blasts and gunfire, the reports of bodies strewn about in the two hotels, the martyred soldiers are not something we are likely to forget in our lifetimes. So we do what we can, sitting in our living rooms, watching our city being defiled, we pray for those who were, still are caught up in this and for those who have walked in willingly to bring out the ones they consider their duty. We pray for those who have lost friends, family members to this wanton hate. I have no idea what consolation to give them.

Our policemen, armymen, the NSG, the naval commandos, the hotel staff, the Airforce troopers they all fill our screens and hearts, they give us hope in this hopeless hour. The brave of our country doing their jobs as if its not their lives too that are stake. I swing between despair at what has happened and a fierce pride in our people.

On 26th November night, as we hear the news after a cousin called to check on us, I hear the words 'The Taj' and then ... The Oberoi. S and I strain to get every bit of information, I feel guilty and selfish looking especially for every bit of news on The Oberoi, praying especially hard for it. And for the first time I understand what the families of our defence forces must go through. My close close friend's dad, a friend who is my person, her dad takes care of the security details at the Oberoi, determined to leave only when every last one who needs help has been helped, I feel the fear and pride of it all for the past many hours. In the initial 8-10 hours as there's no contact with him after he rushed to resume his duties, we, her friends, hold our own vigil and pray our separate prayers. I feel helpless and I feel ashamed of my emotional state as she and her mom put up a brave front for friends, even as the news of firing, blasts and fires at the Oberoi fill the news reports. And I feel something which no word in my vocabulary describes, as she tells me that she could never ask him to come back home to his own safety while people are still stranded, its not something he would ever do. My girl, I can only give my prayers , my heart tells me that such goodness and such spirit can come to no harm. Yet I don't know how to explain our cops dying in the line of duty, it does not seem like a world where you ccannot rust your heart or goodness or spirit but I cannot think of ANYTHING else which might be keeping us afloat.

I don't know about the spirit of the people etc., it all sounds like cliches and bytes that the news channels have been beaming for these eternal hours; I only know that if there are people who have the heart to open fire on people going about their business; there are also people who have the heart to walk in and stay till the so very bitter end to fight them and make sure that the damage they can do to us is minimum.

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Update: Her dad is ok and here's her story.

2008-11-26T23:44:00.000+05:30

I don't know what to do. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Its gonna be ok. Its gonna be ok. Its gonna be ok.

The Morning After

2008-11-25T14:00:00.000+05:30

I just love the morning after. I mean, after the night I finish a book. It feels like waking up to a new world, each time.It feels like whatever world I was living in has come to an end, reached its culmination and when I wake up I have the chance to choose an entirely new one for myself. Padding to the stack of new, unread books ; picking them up, reading the back covers, inside panels; rolling them around my head; thinking about what had made me buy the book, deciding what it is that I feel like diving into and finally settling down to it. Its a completely amazing feeling. A feeling that no candy shop, dessert shop even shoe shop examples can describe. The joys that we live for :)

Yayy!

2008-11-04T17:04:00.000+05:30

Happy B'day to me!! :)

Conversation Starters - III

2008-10-30T16:01:00.000+05:30

The incident with J that started this whole train of thought.

J goes to a friend's place to visit him, friend is not at home but his roommate is and asks J to hang around and wait for the friend. J decided to do this. While J hangs around a few of the roommate's friends are also around and a girl from this group , in order to be polite and open the conversation attempts a conversation which goes like this:

Friend's roommate's friend (FRF) to J : So ... how many times have you been to the jail?

J : (Splutters, has an utterly shocked expression on face, isn't sure she heard right etc.) Well ... like ... NEVER.

FRF to J : Wow! You never got caught?!

J : (Further shock, disbelief, hysterical laughter starting) Caught doing what?!!

FRF: Oh.

Ha haaaaa. Can you believe that?!!! What I really wonder is the kind of answers this woman is used to getting, which she didn't from J! And J, let us have a talk about you hanging around with shady roommates and I intend to be the elder one in this particular conversation.

Every time J tells this one, by this time in the story I am laughing so hard that I have no clue what happened next and how she got out of this one. Whatever happened next, don't you think this ones takes the cake ... being asked how many times you've been to jail! :D

There's another one ... a story related to me, I'm still deciding whether to tell or not :)

P.S. I do know how to count, thank you. CS-II is still saved as a draft and needs to be completed, I'll be posting it as soon as I find some time!

Converstaion Starters - I

2008-10-22T13:36:00.000+05:30

When we come across or are introduced to people we haven't met before, what do we do? We or in some cases 'they' try to start the conversation, so there are plenty of opening lines all of us would have heard over the years, here are some I remember.

The common ones, of course, are ... What do you do? Where are you from? Where do you live? What's your name? You live around here? You new around here? etc.
Some are rather funny, like this one in a dessert shop, where pointing at what I'm eating this guy asks me 'is it any good?' It was, so I told him its better than it looks but he won't get to find out as I ate the last one! Ha! :)
OR a friend of mine asking another friend of mine, with me being right there, 'how do you know this devilish woman?'
There are those embarrassing ones where visiting aunts from long past pinch your cheeks and say ... 'she's the one who did this and this when she was young, isn't it?' and the worse , which I have been witness to but never been subjected to ... 'oh, how can I forget you, you are the one my chotu/nikku/bunty wanted to marry when he was in kindergarten!'
How about the 'I've heard about you from so and so'!! In reply to which people end up saying silly things like 'i hope it wasn't all bad!' or 'Is that so!I will have to ask him/her what she's been saying about me'. I am very tempted to, just once, out of pure spite say ' I hope he/she didn't tell you what I think about you!' Ha ... would be fun!
There are plenty of shopping related ones where either I have or someone around has given friendly invited and uninvited suggestions with merely a wrinkled nose, a thumbs up or an expression. One which I have been asked often exclusively by women in trial rooms and have NEVER asked random strangers is ... 'do you think this is making me look fat?' post which they wave me happy byes and say 'nice-to-meet-yous' and 'thank yous'.
I'm sure there are plenty more and I may come back and add them. If you have any you could tell me and would add them too!

I have lots more to say on the topic so there's more to come. I will also post the hilarious incident J told me about which made me think all this.

Follow Me, Will You?

2008-10-15T21:28:00.000+05:30

You guys, if you are here and you follow this blog you are my follower.!Er, not in the stalking, restraining order way ; not even 'lets march to Dandi and make our own salt' way. No no, not even wag your tail and trail me everywhere like the Hutch (and now Vodaphone) pug way! Just, I check your blog and follow it kind of follower. So if you are one, please be further nice and click on the 'follow this blog' tab on the left hand bar.

Let me clarify and say that this is not an exhibitionist attempt at declaring my popularity to the world. I am popular enough, thank you. Its just that I like the shifting cube that appears there once you have enough followers and I would very much like the shifting cube :)

And for the record, I got my first follower BEFORE I posted this. Love you, Kips!

I (would) Want to Believe

2008-10-15T20:56:00.000+05:30

Ok, the post comes many days after it was released, though I watched the movie the very day it hit the theaters (being jobless has its perks!) and started this post, I have been a little caught up so didn't post.

I was and am an X-Files fan, so I was all enthu and went to watch the movie first day, first show. I haven't done that, watched a FDFS, since I watched Gupt on the last day of my 12th std. boards along with the rest of my batch. J, we did not watch any during our glorious DU days?! I'm shocked!

Coming back to X-Files: I want to believe. I did not like. At all. I got a nice high as the opening credits started with the popular theme but that's about all I enjoyed about the movie. For starters, the plot was lame, the story didn't have the zing even their weakest episode on TV used to have. It was a bore, it could at most have been an average movie if it didn't have the X tag OR if it was released during the cold war! But it did have the tag and after all the hype they should have done more to let it stick.

Moreover, Mulder and Scully coming together in the movie was like ... after it happens it has no intrigue. And what's X-files without intrigue?

Sometimes when you go back to a place from your childhood which had huge dimensions in your head you find it looking far smaller and you are disappointed. So, I am wondering if its me or others thought that as well ...

Anyway, my advice : If you liked X-Files don't go for it, if you didn't you anyway have no reason.

Mama Mia!

2008-09-25T10:37:00.001+05:30

If you haven't already, you should!That is, if you have grown up listening to the Abba songs and you don't mind singing your heart/throat out as you watch the movie. Else it'll be no fun. Make sure you go with someone who knows the songs and won't mind making a fool of herself/himself, otherwise just go on your own!

I remember listening to Abba tapes in my school days, on our Blue Sanyo two-in-one, as they were called in those days. Sometimes when J would be in town too we would break into spontaneous jigs and I'm sure my mom will have pictures of us dancing away in my room. Moreover, I really wanted to watch Mama Mia! - the musical, I remember seeing the posters at Broadway as Amit and I walked around in Time square; but some other show was on those days and anyway we didn't have the time. What I'm trying to get at is that I was thrilled when I came to know about the movie and I'm ecstatic now that I have watched it :)

The Mama Mia! movie is realllllly well made. (BTW that's a nice movie website, though Flash heavy) Each person in the cast fits the part perfectly and every one of them have sung beautifully. Meryl Streep needs no honor roll from me and is more than fantastic, I didn't know she could carry a tune this well! Especially 'The winner takes it all'. The girl playing her daughter Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) is incredibly beautiful with luminous eyes and looks like a cross between an angel and a Greek goddess in the wedding dress. The two women playing Tanya and Rosie are so distinct in their characters and completely full of energy. THEN there are Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth, both of whom I completely adore (you don't grow out school day crushes, do you?). Pierce Brosnan being good looking in a middle aged way that ONLY he can and Colin Firth being the eternal Mr. Darcy. The third dude (Skellen Skarsgard) is also quite nice but with these two gentlemen around, we can't pay much attention to him now, can we?

The overall look and feel of the movie is awesome. The location is to die for - its been shot on the Greek Island of Skopelos, you will see parts of it in the trailer. The green and blue Aegean sea, the typical white Greek architecture, the Mediterranean light - its beautiful. I of course knew about the islands, having done the touristy research on Greece but what drew me to the country was only History and now I'm beyond captivated. I could marry S all over again just to get married at that church!

I watched the sing along version, which is great because it spurred the less enthu people in the movie hall to sing as well. The friend I went with was embarrassed and shy as I started singing at the top of my voice but soon joined in. It was kind of a hen party though and there was spontaneous bonding. During the intermission a girl smiled at me broadly in the loo mirror and asked me if I was there for Mama Mia! Before I could rely she went in to say, "I should have come with friends and left my stupid brother at home."

There isn't a moment in the movie when you feel that it should get on with it. I had a blast watching it, so as I said you must go if you haven't. If you are in Bombay and don't have anyone you can go with and don't fancy watching movies alone like I do, you can always invite me. I absolutely won't mind going again, I will however not be responsible for any damage to your ear drums that my beautiful voice may cause. :)

P.S. You can shut off the volume to the trailer if it gets to you after a while.

I Believe I Can Fly

2008-09-22T13:22:00.001+05:30

I have always been ambitious, never happy with just what's within reach. I need to try for the best available and if I do reach that its of course fantastic, but even if I don't I need to know that I gave it all I had. This may even be an extension of my obsession with doing everything to ensure that whenever I look back I should not have any regrets for what I did and didn't do in life. I have often gone to crazy lengths and insane actions to ensure this but hey, it works for me!

As a result, I have a lot of respect for people with a fire that drives them. What that simply means is that they are always striving for more. May not necessarily mean lofty aims or flashy achievements; just the desire to keep giving their best. It simply means not being afraid to put yourself out there and giving it a shot. Today I met Bablu Singh after a very long time and it was refreshing talking to him and recognizing that drive. Just makes me happy every time I come across it.

Bablu is a veggie vendor with a stall near my house. He would be about 22-24 years old, is always well dressed, speaks good Hindi, Marathi and English, is a charmer and hence a fantastic salesman. He would say friendly things in a fun manner which you know are a part of his charm yet make you like him for it. He keeps vanishing for months every once in a while. I hadn't seen him for many months now and today as I walked back from the DVD store I saw him grin at me, wave and run towards his stall inviting me for a chat and to buy stuff. I asked him where has he been and he launched into his story, just after he gave me his mobile number for veggie, fruit home deliveries and telling me that now that he's back its obvious that I will buy them from him :)

He went back to his village to prepare for and take his B.Sc first year exams, he has cleared them with good grades and even got an award of Rs.20 k from his college, which he deposited back as his fee for the next year! He went on to tell me that he spent about Rs.25k last year to put himself through tutions for Maths and English. Maths because he wasn't good at it and English because it lets him read and understand books which could help him further with Maths and also enables him to write his answers better; its anyway helpful to know English, he says. I congratulated him and said that it was worth the investment then and he replied,"Of course, paise to maine waapis jeet hi liye lekin dimaag to khul gaya na, ab aage ka raasta dekhna hai!" (Of course, I won back the money anyway but its about the widening of my mind, now I need to find my way ahead)

I have to agree with him, widening of your mind and the way ahead, what else is there to worry about?

Down that Lane

2008-09-09T21:04:00.000+05:30

There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I loved them all.

And I know I'll never lose affection ...

A mail from J has put me in this really nostalgic mood which I can't seem to shake off and the Beatles have been singing this song in my head constantly. I'll wrote more about this once I have an OK from the girls :)

P.S. I deleted the last post as I published it incomplete by mistake and I don't know how long it might take me to complete that one.

2008-08-28T13:07:00.000+05:30

The head and the heart, they work together to protect us in their own conniving ways. When you come across happy, exciting stuff these two scheming b******s fill you with a hope that such things are within your reach and you can touch them, even have them for yourself. When you watch a romantic movie they let you feel that the magical stuff you saw exists and that keeps you going till you actually find it in your life OR (for some) till you settle for something resembling it. A friend shares an awesome experience with you and you get hopeful of having similar experiences in life; and so on.

The reverse, however, is not true. You see or hear about something bad that happened to someone and suddenly a sticky protective layer covers your thoughts and you never think that that could happen to you. You come across newspaper articles or email forwards that warn you against unknown dangers - how to recognize them, avert them, deal with them - you read them thinking it isn't for you, better still you forward them to others so that they can benefit from it. And when that something bad does happen to you, you are left bewildered because it just wasn't supposed to happen to you. Even more bewildering when those you sent all the forwards to DID do everything to prevent the disaster!

I think about this and may be its right that they (the head-heart duo) should so operate. The something bad comes along and you find the strength to handle it and to carry those around you who may not always have the strength; what is the point in that case to live in fear of every disaster? What is the point in worrying and living those horrible events even before they happen? You will anyway have no escape when they do. Why not keep living with the warm sunny feeling of the good days and the dreams and hopes of those still to come; why not let the fears lie hidden in those remote corners? Who knows if this is what keeps us going, if this is what keeps us afloat.

Whoaaa!!

2008-08-11T12:03:00.000+05:30

It matters.So much!! I see him getting onto the podium, receiving the Gold medal for men's 10 m air rifle event, our National Anthem playing in the background and the Tricolor hoisting slowly - in the top spot. India wins its first ever Olympic Gold for an individual, courtesy Abhinav Bindra.I got goosebumps.

Notwithstanding the news channels going in a tizzy over a news item they know they can play non-stop for a minimum of 48 hours OR the fact that some of them are playing 'yeh desh hai veer jawanon ka' as they gush over Bindra OR that now they will trip over each other to interview everyone from the man himself to his maali (gardener) and may be even his dog. It is a big moment. The dude has won himself and the country many golds in world championships already over the years but there's nothing like an Olympics gold. And one that makes us feel like less of a loser nation? May be even a winner? Priceless.

(Some more pictures of him over the years here.)

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

2008-07-18T11:38:00.001+05:30

It was my mommy's birthday yesterday! And this sunny, bright cake is just right for her! Happy Birthday, Mom!

She had a fantastic day though every time I talked to her she said I should have been there, which I wanted to this year but my plan to go to Jaipur got postponed. My dad has been planning her b'day for some time and GET THIS, he gifted her a Blushing Read Hyundai I10!!

They have a Ford currently but my mom has been saying for some years that she wanted a new small car and that a 'red car' was her dream since she was a little girl (every time she said that I told her she's still a lil girl!), so dad decided it was time to fulfill her wish. They got the delivery of the vehicle about a week back and every time I asked if they had taken it out Dad would say 'oh its raining' 'weather isn't good' 'we were going only around the corner' etc. and yesterday it dawned on stupid me that of course he was saving it for yesterday! So they took it out yesterday to go and buy desserts and last minute stuff for the b'day party.

Incidentally, my youngest bua (dad's sis), who is my favorite aunt and also my mom's best friend, shares her birthday (Happy Birthday to you too, Bua!!). So mom dad picked her up and the two birthday girls had a fun ride in the red car :)

From what I hear the party was a hit, with people who came for tea staying for dinner as well!My mom refused to cut the cake so poor dad got pastries instead. They told me it was nearly perfect, I believe them. I also wish that J and I were there.

After you, Sir

2008-07-15T12:40:00.000+05:30

A few days back while traveling on the airport bus from the terminal to the craft, an old lady climbed in after me and as she was trying to balance her handbag and hold on to the rails, I offered her my seat. She smiled at me with a hint of grattitude and surprise. Considering that the gesture was not really grand or exceptional, I mean you would offer your seat to an older person or a pregnant woman (right?); it made me think that may be the older people in our country and not used to being treated nicely.

In most of the other countries I have been to, especially US and Australia, the way old people are treated is really great. They are given the rights and are given those without any hassle, its their right after all. A bus driver would lower the platform and would even get off to assist an old lady into the bus, still keeping to the schedule. They don't look pained doing that, its in their attitude and habit. I cannot understand why should it be different for us. And we claim to be a country seeped in traditions and values that have lasted over centuries.

The reason for me re-visiting this thought is an incident that happened yesterday. My dad went to the rail ticket reservation center to book tickets . Like every other time he stood in the senior citizen's line which had only 3-4 people ahead of him while the regular queue was a long one. When he reached the counter the clerk at the window asked him rudely,"Can't you see there's a long line, how did you come in the front?" My dad explained that he is a senior citizen and so he stood in this line. The guy went on to say that its a 'facility' and not a 'right' and my dad should stand in the queue rightfully. He went to say some rude stuff to people in general, humiliating my dad. I am so angry as I write this that my skin crawls, I could happily murder that guy. But my dad just told him that he's not going to say anything to him and he would know better when he turns 60. He gave my dad the ticket - my dad checked it and said he's given him for the Cantt Station while his form says he wanted one for the City Station. The clerk just looked at him and said that he's made a mistake and dad should stand in the line again to get it corrected. My dad came back with the ticket. He just sat quietly in his office room at home. He walked about from room to room not saying anything. My mom was so sad but she just told him to not worry about it, the clerks tend to behave this way to show off the little power they have and that he should just book online from now on. He was worried about the ticket but S told him that we could just buy a ticket from City to Cantt which is a 4-5 minute ride anyway. Its not a big problem but he has been deeply hurt, so much so that he just told mom what happened and that he should have checked the ticket himself, not a word more.

I need to tell a few things to explain why this makes me so mad and in a way sad at this. My dad is a very simple man, my friends, S' relatives - they meet him for a while and tell me how easy it is to see what a good and simple man he is. I will tell you more about him. He has been the center of the family, the one who took on the responsibility while he was still in 10th standard. Married off all his sisters, with mum by his side of course. And so our household has been the nanihal and the place of countless summer holiday memories to no less than 16 kids over the years and continues to be for their kids. He's in them as the doting guy who ensured everybody had what they needed to have fun. He still carries that responsibility not like a weight but like a precious jewel.

He worked with the Govt. and was at very senior and influential posts. He was in a position of power but never behaved like a powerful man. While he was working he was respected by everyone for his work, for his rare trait of honesty in a civil servant and for the way he was with people. I remember countless examples ... like when a villager would come with his hand folded and a tin of homemade ghee as he had no money to give and be surprised to tears when his work got done without the ghee or the money; or when my dad would get transferred for not pleasing the ministers and be transferred back due to the public outcry over the mess the succeeding officer created. I remember that when he got transferred out of an area he worked in for more than 20 years, all of us were eating out every single meal for about 20 days to fit in as many invitations for breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. The invitations were from dad's colleagues, bosses, juniors (even a few who he would leave to scamper and follow in another car if they were more than 5 mins. late for an inspection tour - but would never say a rude word to), the farmers impacted by his work, even our driver sahib. He's too modest to ever say it but that's his legacy, that's what he has earned. He's retired now but is still frequently called upon for his expertise and knowledge as a consultant to various projects or when the same ministers have explanatory meetings with the CM or the PM and know that the data they need will have to be researched for days while dad will be able to give from memory. Mom-dad are also as frequently called upon by countless people they have befriended over those years. At my engagement, which we wanted to be a close affair we had a guest list of over 450 'close' people including relatives, household-helps who were around as J and I grew up, old friends, colleagues etc. who all turned up from various places my parents stayed at. It might sound like boasting, after all every daughter would adore her mom-dad (ok, may be not always) but believe me its more that that.

To me? My dad is a softie, as I guess most dads are when it comes to their little girls. He's the one who would hide in the car after a quick hug when I'm being dropped to the boarding school. He's the one who would happily drive 10 kms. to take me to my favorite ice-cream parlor at 10 in the night. He's the one who told me I could do whatever i wanted to but never took my decisions for me. He's the one who would not ask me 'why' even once when I say I want to marry S, only if I'm happy. He's the one with the softest hands, a title now shared by S. He's the one who would take flak from relatives but let us do the outlandish things J and I want to do. He's always there, always loving, always smiling. And you have to see the way he takes care of my mum, I could love him for just that.

To me he's a man who came from a humble background, achieved much by god's grace and his capability, is a dude at what he does, loves his family and shows it, is the greatest dad, is ALWAYS nice to people, always goes out of his way every time to help people, had and still has a lot of clout due to his reputation but is always a polite guy. And he's my dad, I couldn't be more proud. I have lived the life of a princess in a way and have seen him only as this man I describe here.

So, you have no clue how it makes my blood boil that there is this reservation clerk who is so drunk on his power to be able to tell people off that he just humiliates my dad for no reason. Just because he sits behind this counter he thinks he has the right to behave the way he pleases. This clerk obviously doesn't and needn't know the details I tell you about my dad but he could be expected to know how to behave with people older than him. He IS expected to know how to treat a senior citizen. I'm sure every senior citizen in that queue has a story their children can tell. He should know that a facility has not been given out of charity, its a right our senior citizens have earned having done their jobs, raised their families and having made their individual contributions. He should know that he will indeed, like my dad said, would stand in that queue one day and will hope that the person on the counter will treat him with dignity and respect he deserves. I hope the one manning the counter would be a better man than him.

That Place

2008-07-05T13:05:00.000+05:30

I will write about the place and put pictures but here's a look of where I was. I took these pictures from the flight and you can see the seabed in the first one ... can you imagine how clear the water must be!!

I have to do the following things in the coming few days:

Complete the post I started writing about 'that place'.
Find a software to watermark the images.

I am very proud of my photographic skills and I think even S is damn good. I would like to create a website to sell the million pictures we already have (and the billion we will have in some time) at exorbitant rates some day (in the near future).

Post a picture of the super hot stilettos Ser and I bought for me yesterday.

FYI : They are a pair of peeptoe-slingbacks. Wine color. Patent leather finish. We will not think about what we paid for it.
Ser, I took the advise and I'm breaking them in. Much to my bai's amusement at my current look - worn out shorts, oldest t-shirt, duster in hand, stilettos in place! :D

Finish cleaning my home, make it look super chic!
Get groceries.
Have dinner with Abhi. Abhi is my favoritest cousin, in fact 'cousin' is not enough to explain my relationship with him - he's my brother, friend and someone who is a part of countless crazy childhood memories for me. He's just moved to Bombay 4 days back and I haven't met him yet. He's going to be in the same city as me ... yayyyyy!! :) :)
Take care of my guests for the next 5 days.
Go visit my favorite aunt at Pune, which has to be next week.
Not feel overwhelmed and sad by a friend's situation, find ways for her to set it right.

All my bags are packed ...

2008-06-19T16:04:00.000+05:30

The reason why the earlier post came today and not tomorrow. :)

Me off for a week's holiday. Will miss you guys much. Please to miss me. Muahhhh.

Sister Saga and Some Cake

2008-06-19T10:58:00.000+05:30

Ever since I was a kid every time I heard about the concept of 'sister cities' I found it really interesting. To think that two cities situated in two far off geographic regions (Bokaro and Columbus, US) with no similarities whatsoever (Rajkot and Leicester, UK ??) can be pronounced sisters and will thereafter have a sisterly bond ... SO I thought that when cities are allowed to have (completely unrelated) sisters my dear blog is most definitely up for sistership too!! What better day than its b'day to give this gift.

I hereby declare this blog to be entering into a solemn sisterly vow with this blog and its owner. Not only do these two (blogs, not the owners) share a b'day (20th June'07) but much more.

Ser, I promise that I will laugh with you and cry with you. Also, share the giggles, hysterical laughter and the sniggers. I will dream of blueberry cheesecakes, brownies with you and will fantasize about shoes with you. I will also be there when these dreams and fantasies become realities. I will always share in our common love for bags and Grey's Anatomy; our common dismay at certain people and actions. I will love you faithfully through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. I will take every opportunity to meet you for long and short chats, quick eats, lazy lunches, quick hugs, rain drenched walks and some bitching. Or else for convos over long phone calls. I will be forever ready to spin our 'barn' stories! I will always want the best for you. What may come I will always be here. Amen!

Happy B'day to us!!

P.S. Isn't that one gorgeous b'day cake?!

Theatrical Bliss!

2008-05-17T13:30:00.002+05:30

Hello hello! I'm feeling much better and far less depressed now, we live in troubled times (yaa, I know, I'm reading LOTR once again and tend to talk like that) BUT even with all this morose-ness I have had a very nice past week filled with lots of going out, meeting people, hanging out, movies AND the icing on the cake ... lots of plays!!!

The Motley festival is on at the Prithvi Theatre. For the ignorant, Motley is a theater group started by Naseer-ud-din Shah and they have some wonderful plays that they have staged over the years. I have been lucky enough to watch some of their plays in the past few years. However, this time when the festival started I had something I never had before - Time! So I decided to watch as many of the plays as possible. Only I decided that a little late and most of the shows were already sold out. I did manage to get tickets for two very nice ones - Katha Collage 2 and Antigone; I watched Katha Collage 1 and loved it and Antigone is much applauded ... will write more about these once I watch them in the coming week. Right now will just tell you what happened yesterday :)

I went to Prithvi with more than one purpose - to buy tickets for whichever plays I could get, while time away at their adorable cafe and try my luck for yesterday's play - Dear Liar. I managed all three successfully! After I bought the tickets for the two plays I mentioned before and was about to head for the cafe I thought it was worth a shot and made cute, puppy-like, sorry faces at the people on the ticketing counter and finally one of them said that I should try just 15-20 mins. before the show starts and if there are any cancellations they may be able to give me a ticket. So I hung around. For three hours.

I sat at the Prithvi cafe with its lazy afternoon feel, people sitting and chilling as if there wasn't a mad, rushing world outside the walls. A group of three asked me if they could share my table (though there were at least 8 tables vacant) and they did. It turned out that it was a storywriter meeting with a director's assistant and a screenplay-writer to narrate his latest story. So as I read my book and munched on my samosa, I also heard snippets of the story and as it went along I also smiled and nodded to myself when their discussion got to something interesting (Rajasthani culture for one or the fabulousness of the Motley plays). After some time and many glasses of tea (by them); a raspberry drink, a lemonade and a mint tea down (by me) I became a quasi-teammate of sorts and was looked at for approval or a comment from time to time. It was all much fun. On one table I could see some students having a quick bite and running off. On another a mom treating a brother-sister duo after their summer workshop , there was much giggling and laughter. On yet another, one oldie and a young guy sitting while the oldie reminisced about working with Guru Dutt as a technician and knowing his driver personally(?). Some famous and some not so famous celebrities mingled over bhurji pav. Everyone seemed to be in a comfortable place, I definitely was. The three hours passed away pretty quickly and I managed to get a ticket and got to watch Dear Liar.

I managed to get a VERY good place to sit ... just a row from the stage. So close that I felt that Naseer and Ratna Pathak were talking to me (considering it was them on stage, I'm sure that may be true for most people) and not upfront so that I wasn't looking up at them. I have seen Naseer on stage earlier but I think you can never have enough of that, it was a treat.

The play was a comedy, based on the correspondence of over 40 years between Mrs. Patrick Campbell and George Bernard Shaw. The letters were found by her maid in a old battered hat box in the days of the second world war and now in the form of this play trace the relationship the two shared (Shaw and Stella, not the maid) over about half a century. Hilarious, funny, subtly emotional in places; but most of the time it had the audience rolling with laughter. It was an awesome experience and at the end of the play the two got a standing ovation. I have also watched the plays Love Letters, Tumhari Amrita and Aapki Soniya; which had a slightly similar format. Shabana's Tumhari Amrita is the only one which manages to touch this one's brilliance.

I was left with the sense that I had seen and been a part of something grand. What a day! I stepped out of the theater in a state of bliss. Not excited - just blissful. It was a whole new feeling. I'm now waiting to see what the other two plays will do to me ... :)

Is raat ki subah nahi ...

2008-05-13T23:45:00.000+05:30

It used to happen all the time, has been happening for many many years now. Each time it did, it shook you. Still, it was mostly a distant echo. You got affected but you heard so many of them that you also got immune to them a little and you learnt how to hide from them. Not anymore.

The sounds get nearer every day. No place is safe, no place a haven anymore. They are there in a restaurant on a summer evening where you had your lunch that very day. They are in that crowded train you used to take till some years back and most people you know still do. The sounds of horror and shrieks and blasts are there in the streets I walked as a teenager, the very streets where I zipped around on my two wheeler. No place is safe, no place a haven anymore. Today the blasts are on the roads which have seen peace and festivities for as many years as I can remember, the same streets where in recent years I have walked around showing S and my friends the beautiful sights and the rich feel of my city. The shop with the prettiest silver earrings, the one with the yummiest chaat and so on ... they are all on Breaking News today. The blasts are at the very doorstep of the temple my father has been praying at since HE was a teenager. I no longer know where and how to hide.

P.S. : Was looking through the million pictures I have taken of the place over years ... I love this one with the pigeons.

Elsewhere

2008-05-13T13:31:00.000+05:30

While I was in Bangalore, this is where S was !!!

(The venetian pavement cafes complete with the sky ... except that the sky is a painted roof!)

(... and the gondolas!)
(Warning: You may need some serious eye protection glasses in this place)

I know you can see through this. I admit, I'm being very lazy. I promise I'll be back :D

Spontaneous Joy

2008-04-12T11:14:00.000+05:30

I write to you from Bangalore. A city I love for its sexy weather, quaint cottage houses (of course few left in older localities) and the fact that it houses some of my fav. people. I think I like it so much also because of some very wonderful times I've had here. No, never lived here but have visited numerous times :)

I have mentioned my veryyy close friend Bhavna earlier ... she's my companion from the rainy rickshaw ride . My friendship with her is the kind that makes me feel that I have earned much in this life already. The kind where you don't need to be in touch ever week or even month or whatever but every time you talk you start from where you left off, its always as much fun ... ok, before I go senti lets move on!

SO, Bhavna is expecting a baby and I did not really know that when that happens to someone who is very special to you, it can actually make you go awwww. So it did make me go awww and we talked with more and more frequency the past months and I kept wanting to see her and spend some time with her. In my three years at college while J and I stayed in a rented flat with some friends I spent many a days at Bhavna's place. It was home to me. I would land up at her place or Bhavna would drag me to stay for a few days every time ... I was unwell or I was happy or there was a match we wanted to watch together or it was a tough exam we wanted to prepare for or it was paranthas we wanted to eat or if we wanted to while a night away laughing. So I just wanted to have some of that time with her once again and we discussed many times when and how to do that. But like all great plans it was a spontaneous plan that got me here to be with her.

S was planning to go out of the country for some work and though he's always a sport when I am traveling, on the thought of a week with no S and no work and no all day calls to mom-pa (they are still in Oz) I was freaking a lil and also feeling a little weird about it too (I don't fit well into these distressed damsel roles) SO was not really showing it and being very brave. S asked me if I wanted to go meet Bhavna or Praks or anyone else and if I will be ok and keeping up with the brave front I said I would be and booked tickets for a play on Sunday, a lunch date for Saturday, a movie appointment for Friday, another dinner etc. Even got a membership of bigflicks.com ! I was all set.

And THEN the day S was to leave, Bhavna called me in the morning to chat and I told her about all this and she was like ... What?!! Why aren't you coming?! We have been wanting to meet for so long etc. etc. So I was like that's true and why am I not going and that I must. Booked the tickets, went to see S off, canceled all activity planned for, packed my bags and came to Bangalore!!! :)

Having an awesomely nice time here with Bhavna and some other friends who are dropping in to meet. Re-living some crazy past memories and creating plenty of more to keep us going for a long time. Also, this is the first time I've really met Bhavna's husband who is a lot of fun and I think it helps that we have a shared love (Bhavna of course!!). Every two hours or so Bhavna or I say ... "isn't it great you/I came?!!!!" No wonder that while joys of all kinds and shapes are welcome the spontaneous kind are the ones I am partial to.

P.S. A big thankk youuuu to J, A, Sudip, Sandy and others who are calling up with a frequency far greater than usual to 'generally' chat :) I'm doing good. Love you, guys.

While I'm Gone

2008-03-20T11:53:00.000+05:30

Here's something that will make you people very happy. A few pictures of the place I'm going to spend the next week at ... I know you will think of me and these places while you are working away. (Evil laughter)

(The last one is a resort we'll be staying at)

I leave for the Land of the (peaceful) Thunder Dragon tomorrow. YAYYYY!!!! I have been looking forward to this trip for a longgg time now, not just because it will be an amazing place but also because the trip is planned with some of my closest friends - S, me, PK, SM and SM's sweet niece. So we are all converging from Bombay, Delhi, Kolkata and Dubai to undertake this journey together. All of us have this strange feeling that this trip will be special because we'll all be there and because life for all of us may alter in defining ways and we may not have such a time together anytime soon. Its just a feeling we have.

I will come back with many more pictures of my own and will post them too, S says that I have a Japani Aatma (Japanese spirit) because I take SO many pictures all the time. He's no less but he likes to say that ... between two of us we took about 400 pictures in ONE day at Alexandria. (I know I'm still to write/ post pictures for the Egypt and Agra trips). I promise to be less lazy :)

Lazhimbe Jon, people.

Paint it Red!

2008-03-17T12:38:00.000+05:30

Some days back I painted my toenails RED. For the first time. Here they are, in the company of my red shoes and turquoise booties, sunning themselves outside the Itmad-ud-Daulah tomb in Agra :) In fact I have painted them an even brighter red since then

It excited me (and a few others) sooo much and they just made me feel so good that I had to report it to PK. So I set out to tell my dear friend PK about it during one of our marathon phone conversations. This is how it went :

Me : You know what? I painted my toes RED. For the first time ever in my life!Yipee!!
PK: Really?
Me: Absolutely! (more yipee etc.)
PK: So you are saying that, the only time, the very first time you colored your hair you went and got magenta highlights BUT you've never painted your toes red?
Me: Uh, ya, I guess that's what I'm saying ...

P.S. Aren't those toe rings damn nice? (Enlarge to see them) I loveeee them.

HOW ABOUT THAT!!!!

2008-03-04T22:50:00.000+05:30

Need I say anything? :D

No big deal this

2008-03-03T13:26:00.000+05:30

I had enough of saying I wanted a break and not doing anything about it. Also considering that my work had come to take over my life so much, I think it was about time I stepped out of that zone and looked at things with new eyes (maybe my new haircut will help)

Now, I ONLY need to get used to ...

Getting to sleep as much as I want!! (no more waking up at unearthly hours to finish work!!!)
NOT multi-tasking all the time. i.e. not have brekky and watch TV and check mail at the same time because I would find time to do each one of them. Right now I'm having to pace myself and tell myself this time and again. I'm behaving a lil like that kid who has been deprived of chocolates for years and has now been let out at a chocolate mountain and so is gorging away. I hope I don't end up with a tummy ache :)
Not keeping my fav. lip balm and a 100 other things in my bag all the time. Oh no, that means I will need to find a place for them at home ...
Not dial 0 when I pick up my land line phone to make a call :)
Getting the time to finish reading a book in 3 days
Not walking around with speed and purpose as if the world depends on me (to think of it ... do I really need to walk slower?)
Not being bone tired and sleepless all the time
Not having two laptops
Having lazy mornings at home with S around and lazing in the sun and relaxed breakfasts and worldspace
You know those printout of monthly calendars from Outlook? Not have every day of my next 2,3 or even 4 months planned out in different colored pens on those and pinned around me. (yeahhh, I do know how that sounds)
Going to a multiplex and watching two movies one after another on a weekday
Being around to call my mom dad at all times - I'm kind of cold turkeying as my parents left for a 2 month trip to Australia last week so I'm not able to make numerous calls to them in a day like I used to, at least not without accounting and planning for the time difference, them being out etc. Did I say how much I like my parents? Not just love, but 'like'? Ok, I'll soon rectify that but for now - they are adorable and much fun and I'm ... MISSING THEM TO NO END! :( :(

To be continued ... as I'm going to run some errands now but I'm sure things will keep hitting me :)

Days of the New

2008-03-01T13:03:00.000+05:30

As I'm lying down on the cool floor of my living room, head pillowed on my crossed arms, looking out the large window with the yellow curtains towards the blue blue sky and the swaying bright wooden fish wind chimes I got from Colombo, I'm suddenly struck by the thought. I smile and stretch and say it aloud. It's been a week.

It's been a week since I quit my job, completed my notice period and then a lil bit extra, finished all the work, cleared my desk, wrote the customised farewell mails, said goodbyes, took backup of my documents, thanked my boss for the lunch, the gift and walked out of the place I have been working at for the past five years. Out of the place which was almost home(!), work I loved and people I liked - some more than others :). WOOOOHOOOOOO. It's been a week!

In the past week, I started writing many times and then didn't post as what came out didn't sound finished. I kept thinking ... what if whatever I'm thinking and feeling changes tomorrow, let me give myself time for things to sink in and so I didn't post. Now, lying on the cold floor with a week behind me, a week in which I only read, slept, spent sunny mornings with S, met people, watched movies, watched TV, cooked, chatted with people, listened to music, slept some more; I believe that while it may take me some time to get over some things - I can do this.

More than one person told me - I would love to be in your place any day! and here I am, still taking it a day at a time. Tiptoeing and worried that any moment I'm going to feel that it's too much and I need the hectic pace of work back. For once in my life I have taken a decision that is as much rational as from the heart and I'm only beginning to enjoy this emptiness I wanted and never had. It just makes me think that change is no doubt the only constant and the things that you fear changing the most are may be the ones needing it most.

Onwards ... to live and thrive!

2008-01-25T14:30:00.000+05:30

There comes a time when you feel that your life is taking a turn which will be defining in many ways and at that time there are things you want to believe you HAVE been able to do. And strangely you want someone else to come and tell you that or you don’t really believe it. Moreover, this 'someone' needs to be someone who you know cares for you and still, will not lie to you just to spare your feelings.

All the people close to me have been answering my never-ending questions and doubts for some time, but this mail from an angel said all that I would have liked to hear. Thank you, A. You have no clue what this means to me.

Dear little-miss-sunshine,

I like your idea of "scare myself off by being with myself too much".

My guess is that after you finally get your much needed break, catch up on sleep, recover from back-aches and other ailments that our wonderfully productive life-style subjects us to, start writing your poems and blogs more often and begin to feel more settled into your "at my own pace" life style, the real question will hit you (probably on a sunny afternoon) : "Now what?"

I feel that there is a "normal" rhythm to life -- weekdays we do our job and weekend we recover from the stress of doing our job. Slightly more enterprising and productive folks find a moonlight/weekend life -- they are either social butterflies, or read the Sunday newspaper page-to-page, or go hiking, running, swimming, or have extended dinners with the extended family.
This rhythm requires us to make adjustments and compromises -- we give up some of things we wanted to do when we used to plan our lives; but it rewards us with money, social acceptance etc.--not to mention the vacations at really nice places.

But this rhythm can never be our whole self. We can only do it happily for a while. We constantly feel the need to step outside of it. There are several ways of doing it--make enough money and quit, make your passion financially rewarding as well, marry someone rich and the list goes on.

BUT the questions still remain:
What is it really that we want to do with our lives?
Is it a single thing or will it change as we change?
If we were to start doing what we enjoy the most or want to do the most, will it make us happy?

These questions are tough. I feel that after I finish my PhD, most of the questions that led me to do my PhD will still remain unanswered and that is a very scary thought.

But you have to step away. Now is your chance. You have shown me, S, J, your parents and the rest of the world, that you can survive and flourish -- you managed to handle the rough world of undergraduate education, cleared nasty MBA entrance exams, finished your MBA and got a job, fell in love and got married, are a good wife, daughter, sister, friend and great at your job.

So, survive and flourish you can, but I guess you want to live and thrive.

So, sweetheart, please do not be scared and anxious

First you should rest and recover. So that when "Now what?" hits you, you are ready;)

love,
A

Allie asks me

2008-01-03T15:33:00.000+05:30

Is every moment of our lives built into us before we're born?

If it is, does that make us less responsible for the things we do? Or is the responsibility built in too? After you hit the ball, do you stand and wait to see if it goes out, or do you start running and let nature take its course?

(She's been asking me far too many questions lately, I need to do something about that!!)

The Oscar Speech

2007-12-21T17:29:00.000+05:30

J said the other day that she has her thesis proposal presentation in a few days and I was reminded of the thesis ... Dissertation or a mini-thesis I did as a part of the course requirement for my MBA. The topic I had chosen was something to do with persuasive power of kids, I don't remember too well. What I do remember is putting in as much effort in writing the right acknowledgements - getting the emotion right - not too much, not too little; showing some yet not baring my soul. Not missing anyone. It was about the time the two years were coming to an end and so was a phase of life, it was somehow important to say my thanks. I remember being very happy with the way it had come out and in a strange way being happy about the fact that it will always be there in the library as a proof of what I had to say (frankly, I didn't feel the same about the thesis). So here it is, for all you guys.

Acknowledgement

It is impossible to fathom and difficult to put in words all that has gone behind this work. I may have been the researcher but behind this work lies the inspiration, ideation and sheer support from many a people. Putting it on paper may help me express the overwhelming gratitude towards all those who have been a part of this work.

My guide Mr. Anand Halve, for always opening that little window which told me that there is much more light you can shine on the surface (or surfaces) or many more windows to look for. For making me go for that little extra and for his constant support and guidance. KEIC for the wealth of priceless knowledge. Milan for making it seem easier than it was. KGK for doing more than I could ever have asked for. Deval for her smiles and help. S and S, for their unwavering faith in me and the constant reminders. To Praks, Nishku, Ashi, Bhati, Rama, Abhiney and Saurabh for being there.

To all my tweeny respondents for trusting me so easily and making me feel justified in making them the subject of my study.

To my parents, for teaching me that if you are going after something that your heart agrees with, you at least won't have to worry about the motivation. For always letting me be what I am. To Didi. To Amit.

To PGPC Batch 2001-2003, for making this place a paradise.

Thanks a lot.

Chandni Raatein

2007-12-17T19:23:00.000+05:30

It shouldn’t be allowed that when I have been going for days working like a zombie from 5 in the morning to 1 in the night and walking and living and working with a backache and dreaming of work and doing nothing but work and still in office at 9 PM and someone plays a song and I suddenly miss you so much and I find myself with you on a breezy terrace at Hudson Lines with the night sky stretched above us and we play this song over and over and over again. J, it shouldn’t be allowed.

Why would you?

2007-12-17T15:39:00.000+05:30

Its the biggest mystery of all. Why would you get upset with a friend who is among those few who know you as well as anyone does. Why would you stay angry and upset for years. Why would you continue feeling that bit of hurt for years. And then ...

And then, out of the blue, in a moment something completely insignificant happens and it gives you an unexpected joy; and in that moment you know that no one else will understand why this little, stupid, insignificant things has got you so emotional and excited. Except of course this friend, who was a part of that life and knew you in that piece of life. In that moment you miss that friend so much that all you want is to be able to share that joy with that person who would get it. Not that its such a big deal ... but you give up your stupid, unforgiving pride and call another friend to get this friend's number and call. Call to have the most fun random conversation and feel all those years of hurt and anger fall from you. You may never go back to being the way you were and the faint signs of the anger and hurt may not entirely go away but you feel lighter. You are happy that you made that call.

Why would you suddenly forgive and be forgiven? Isn't it the biggest mystery of all?

Budday Girl!

2007-11-01T18:33:00.000+05:30

Hey hey!!I have always been shamelessly enthu about it and ensure that I have told/reminded everyone in time, so that they have the opportunity to prepare for the mega event. Why should it change now?

Peoplez, the great day arrives when (drum roll) 28 years ago the world was graced with my esteemed presence. The coming Sunday, 4th of Nov is my happy budddayyyyy!!!

I have already started getting the gifts - have been getting one a day since Tuesday :) my mom-dad gave it in advance when I met them some days back. Plus, I open my b'day girl eyes in the city of Kahira :D

In order to maintain/elevate your likability ratings please call/mail/message/comment your good wishes to me. Gifts only in the form of gifts.

I'm Alive

2007-10-31T19:07:00.001+05:30

This is to tell you all, my friends, out there that I'm well and alive. Or should that be alive and well ?Anyway! I have been busy with work and lots of other things. But I intend to write the following posts by Friday, they have been pending in my head for long and after Friday I will have other stuff to write about :) (Friday ... S and I leave for a 9 day trip of Egypt!!!!!!! :)!!!! ... I think you get the picture )

A review of this place called Dara's Dhaba
An account of S and my trip to Matheran and our stay at the Veranda In the Forest
A chronicle of reasons I like Delhi, or why Delhi has that pull for me (want to write this before I dive into Dalrymple's City of Djinns, a book I have been wanting to read for the longest time and have finally acquired)
A hilarious tale about my mom coloring my dad's hair black
A certain dream I had which made me think I was in a dream :)
About a friend who recently left his current way of life and is now running two schools in Rishikesh
Addition: The takeover of my car by the driver and turning it into a temple through religious blackmail!!

Can think of only these at the moment. The list is for me as well and now that I look at the list ... looks like a bit much and I may be forced to revise the timelines!!

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All this made me think of this wonderful quote from a TV series which is full of wonderful quotes. Here goes, Allie in Taken:

"People talk a lot as if the most important thing in life is to always see things for what they really are. But everything we do, every plan we make, is kind of a lie. We're closing our eyes and pretending that the day won't ever come when we won't need to make any more plans. Hope is the biggest lie there is, and it is the best. We have to keep going as if it all mattered, or else we wouldn't keep going at all."

Not bad at all

2007-10-08T12:12:00.000+05:30

The current presidential elections in Pakistan reminded me of something. A few days ago while browsing through TV channels I stopped to find Mr. Prabhu Chawla interviewing Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto. For the ignorant ones, Prabhu Chawla hosts a talk show with celebrities from politics, bollywood, sports, business ... everywhere. There's even a spoof of his show on MTV/V called 'Prabhu Bawla'. Now, I have an intense dislike for Mr. Chawla, I am still in the process of discovering all reasons for this but mainly, I think he's an arrogant prick, which may be he needs to be and is part of his persona etc., but I don' have to like it, do I?

So, he's interviewing Benazir and the discussion is about whether Gen. Musharraf will get to be the president and with or without uniform etc. and then ...

Benazir: Things are different for you (implying in India), you go and make a nuclear scientist your President.

PC : Ya, but then our scientists do not go and sell our nuclear technology to other countries. (accompanied with this smirking laugh)

Imagine! I say, not bad at all Mr. Chawla. You just might have redeemed yourself in my eyes!

Hiberante

2007-10-06T13:28:00.001+05:30

When I shut down my office laptop yesterday, it stuck me that I was shutting it down after about 8-10 days! Had so much work that I just kept hibernating it every time I was taking a break to move from home to car or car to office or office to car or car to home. Also, to take real breaks to sleep, go out etc. Poor lapty!

Think will shut down my brain and eyes for a while as well ... but then its the weekend and I am feeling excited for no reason and that'll make it difficult to shut down. Gonna try!

This and That

2007-10-02T12:32:00.000+05:30

S and I went to watch this movie - Loins of Punjab, over the weekend.

The movie: mindless entertainment, one time watch, has some funny moments. Amateurish at best. Its a good thing the movie is just 90 mins.

But I mention the movie outing here not for the movie but to tell you all about this family/group in the movie hall. The family has two mommies, two daddies and two little girls. Now what's special about this family is that the girls are around 2-3 years old (from what I can tell) and one of them is wearing those squeaky shoes kids wear.Movie, children wandering about in squeaky shoes - get the connection? What the hell!!!!What is wrong with people? By all means get your children to a movie and I am even OK with them walking about on the steps in the dark but SQUEAKY SHOES?Too much for me to handle.

So we watched the movie with the squeak squeak and in between calls by one of the mom's loud 'G!G?G?!GGG'. One of the girls is called Jia and the mom is trying to get her attention by calling her 'G', the little girl oblivious of her cool nickname is not paying the mom any attention. I am no expert on parenting but there are things you just know are stupid.

I only told S to kill me if I ever take our kids to a movie wearing squeaky shoes.

P.S: Oh, did I mention that both the mom's were wearing cocktail dresses to watch Loins of Punjab? I don't mean to be mean, but ... Lol!

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I have been having nightmares that my deep, dark fears are going to come true today and our cricket team is going to get beaten badly, shattering the beautiful cloud I have been keeping myself afloat on.

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I recently realised that I have had all women bosses in my four and a half year career. Six of them, so far. Women bosses just exist on two ends of the spectrum, they are either superb or they are nightmarish. There's no in-between. I have had an equal share of both. Not bad at all!
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I am re-reading one of my favorite poetry books - Gulzar's Pukhraj. Although I can recite most of the book, with page numbers, I am discovering that his poetry says different things to me every time I read it. And that I LOVE the Urdu vocab more than I think I did.
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Of various quotes from Shantaram that I like, this one is almost the favorite: "We trust people either because we see a lot of ourselves in them or because we see what we want to be like in them."

Can't Stop This Thing We Started!!

2007-09-26T12:39:00.000+05:30

Ok, almost 30 hours after Sreesanth took the catch and India WON the T20 World Cup, I am still excited. Can't concentrate on work!!

India won and the crackers started and I ran from one room to another unable to contain the excitement. Then alternated between the TV to see the presentation and celebration on screen, doing my crazy jig and the window to take in the scene below ... crackers, music, children dancing, everyone hanging from their windows :D Thought of writing a post and was too excited to sit still so just watched everything on TV concerning our dudes and called people and just shouted my excitement for the longest time. For our team ... Guys, you people rock! You are the coolest!I would name a country after each one of you, if I could! :)

Tuesday, was still unwell and it being the last day of Ganpati Visarjan, decided to work from home. Again - all channels showing re-runs of the fantastic moments, how could I not watch! Towards the evening, some distraction came in the form of drum beats and dancing as Ganpati from my society went for Visarjan. Then S was back home and we spent some more excited time discussing the win.

Wednesday, I woke up to find it pouring, raining really heavily. And the team comes home!I started for office and S gave me live updates for every single minute! As I reached the airport signal there was a jam and I was suddenly joyous!Yes, I will be stuck here till the team bus passes! That was not to be ... only got to see Mr. Pawar in the CRV next to me. Who wants to see him!! I don't know why I didn't just park there and wait. I kept thinking that I will reach office and go to Bandra or Mahim or Worli to be a part of the frenzy. I don't know why I didn't!!And then it was too late, the team had already almost reached Wankhede.

I have read all there is to read on the net, seen all the pictures there are to see and discussed with every willing person. I need to get back to work and stop grinning and ... Somebody ... I need to stop! :D

Manhattan Guy

2007-09-24T17:47:00.000+05:30

Being unwell and feeling horrible has some benefits, you can be at home on a Monday evening - sniffing, coughing, stiff AND writing a post and watching the Final :)

Last week I was watching Sex and the City season 2, in one of the episodes Carrie sets up a date for Miranda and this is how the conversation goes:

Guy: I have not been out of Manhattan for 10 years now.

Miranda: Really? And you are proud of that? You never feel like going out?

Guy: No. What is there to see outside Manhattan? Anything you may ever need is right here. (and he goes on to wax lyrical ... I forgot what all he says)

Miranda: I need to go feed my cat (which is a code to slip out of a sad party/bad date)

I bet she would agree to feeding even the neighbor's cat to get out of something like that! :D

The Heart Gives In

2007-09-20T21:04:00.000+05:30

Its just easier to love the city/ cities you grow up in. Its just so much easier to accept it and love it with all its shortcomings and faults, and continue loving it. Its different after you grow up (assuming you do) and move to a city, its very different ... you need reasons to like the city. How does it makes you feel? What does it give you? How does it impact your life? What kind of a feel does it have?

For me there are a lot of reasons to not like Bombay, also there are some to like it. But there is one reason which kind of made me give the city a little place in my heart. Its a city which is festive during festivals. Its a city which is out and out festive and vibrant and colorful and noisy and crowded and musical and excited during any festival. Its a festivity you see on every street and road and society and chawl.

It might be Ganpati, Janmashtmi, Diwali, Xmas ... you see lights everywhere, people covered in colors, dancing in the streets to that strange rythmic but hardly musical drumbeat which I've heard in no other part of India. At Diwali there are these big, huge colorful lanterns everywhere - the ones I've called kandeels since childhood, they are everywhere! And then they give was to Xmas and new year decorations.

Its almost like a festival comes and people come out of their tortoise-like hard, unbreakable shells of apathy to celebrate. And though it makes me lonelier at times, I do like that a lot :)

And Just like that ... she's back

2007-09-19T19:00:00.000+05:30

Riverbend here has given me many a sleepless nights. After her post in April end where she mentioned that her family had decided to leave Baghdad, I said a quick prayer and hoped that she'll reach her destination safely. And then came the long silence, through May, June I would think about her and wonder if she is OK. Then came July and I was secretly all worried about what is happening and why she hasn't posted. By August I was like ... I don't even know this person, why should I worry about her and for all I know she may have gotten bored of this URL and got another one or something (In my heart I was just sure that something dreadful has happened to her) and then came September ... J called me one day/night at about 2 AM my time and I was awake, working hard and watching Sex and the City and a little sleepy and there's J telling me ... She's back!! She's posted on her blog!I just called to tell you!

And she is. She's safe and she's reached a safer haven, I don't know if ever she can or will be able to go back to her home but I hope she will find a home where she is now. May be the weight of what she's gotten out with and that of what she left behind will always be there. And may be she will find a little bit of life and life will find her. I do hope.

The relief flowing over me after J's call is what made me realise how much I was worrying about her ... checking her blog at least once a day with the hope that she may have written or dreading to check it thinking she may not have. If in this wide world it is possible for a stranger heart to get connected to, grieve with and worry for another faceless stranger, almost anything is possible.

Status Report

2007-09-14T17:49:00.001+05:30

They are still there.

Were there when I reached home yesterday night. Were there in the morning.

Crazy as hell!

Look at them! Sitting there, mocking me, driving me crazy!!

Peepalz, plz to speak up as to :

what could this be ... ??!! (Have the aliens invaded my home?!)
what is to be done with these stupid, golden, pointy shoes.

A suitable reward will be given to the best answer. Judge's word will be final. The winner will be allowed to make your thank you speech.

P.S. Whoever claims the shoes will have to come over and do the Cinderella test.

Mysterious mystery

2007-09-13T15:11:00.000+05:30

Hullo! I have surfaced from the endless sea of work I have been drowning in to report strange occurrences in my home!

Yesterday after an extra long day at work, the tired me went to S's office to pick him on my way home. We reach and as we walk up we are talking and S has cracked a PJ and I am laughing hysterically and as we reach our landing the neighbor's dog is barking (or was it the other neighbor's parrot? Lets make it dog - what's a mystery without a barking dog!) and then we reach our door. We reach our door and my laughter is frozen in my throat, words dying on my lips ... I am shocked, stumped, surprised. I am met with the sight of a pair of shoes. No ordinary shoes these, a pair of women's shoes - high heel, pointy, golden; are sitting on my doormat. They are sitting there in a manner that someone has taken them off while walking into my home and they lie where they were taken off. So, they are facing the locked door to my home. (As I write this I am cursing myself for not taking pictures. As soon as I reach home, if the scene has not been disturbed I shall take pictures and upload!)

Now lets see,

They are not mine
They are definitely not my bai's
Secretary theory is trashed considering S is with me (!! :D)
We know no neighbors so can't be neighborly shoes, and I doubt I am meeting my neighbor's behind my back

I skirt around them and inspect them, bewildered, I look around to see if there's any claimant ... no one! I am very excited with this sudden mystery in life! I also want to ring neighbors' doorbells at 11:40 in the night to solve the mystery. It is a mystery after all, it deserves the due any respectable mystery deserves!! S is mighty amused but is not sharing my sleuthing enthusiasm and finally manages to drag me inside before any bells are rung and doors are banged.

What possible explanation could be there? Someone has decided to gift me pointy shoes? They look too big for me (no I did NOT try them on). Someone has forgotten them? But why at my doorstep? And did she then go wherever she went barefoot? What if it was a he wearing she shoes? And decided to abandon them fearing to be found wearing them? Lolll... evil laugh. I even consider the theory of people doing jaadu-tona on us, jaadu tona of the golden pointy shoes!! Ever heard of it? As these mind boggling questions swirl in my head, there's another sensation ... in my tummy, reminding me that I am hungry. As soon as I think of food, I forget all else and concentrate on dinner and then proceed to watch the 20-20 match in which the underdog beats the world champion and then I go on to sleep and rest my tired bones. The pointy shoes are somehow forgotten in all this.

Its morning and I'm ready to run to office and I fling open the door and there they are still! The forgotten, mysterious, dull golden (its not the shiny gold, its the dull one, I notice) shoes. I am excited again and S is too sleepy to participate and I am late for work ... so I leave them there. But those wily shoes, they continue to haunt me!

Now, I have reviewed the list and have decided on Mr. Poirot. It was a close fight between him, Mme Ramotswe and Karamchand, but Mr. Poirot prevailed. I have been in love with that tiny little moustache curling under his nose since I was a kid and watched him on TV. That decided it. He has been commissioned to do the job. While Miss Marple is out shopping for shoes, Miss Lily has agreed to fill in her shoes and be his assistant/side kick detective for this case, Mr. Poirot however, will not have the privilege of calling Miss Lily silly.

Findings of the investigation will be shared tomorrow.

Life on the road

2007-09-07T09:40:00.000+05:30

Like everyday, I get ready and rush to the car and start the long, torturous journey to office.Like everyday, I get stuck in traffic and live part of my life everyday on the road. Eat my breakfast, make the phone calls, read, sleep, check mail, blog, listen to music, work, get happy, get sad, get senti.

Today on my way, as I was working/writing emails I suddenly got that sensation you get when you know someone is watching you. I look out the window and there's this cab full of young girls, eight of them in one!No less. All of them were noisily talking, laughing, jostling for space when I last noticed them. I also remember thinking that they had that simple, innocent joy children have, before they get over exposed to the madness around them. Now that they have noticed me, all eight pairs of eyes are on me and there's wonder, curiosity, admiration etc. No no, not at all for me ... but for the laptop!Ok, partly for me BECAUSE I am the one with the laptop.

I give them a smile and a small wave. Now they are suddenly shy at being noticed and whisper in each other's ears, point at me, hide behind each other and laugh some more. Meanwhile the traffic eases and the cab pulls ahead ... I get a full blast of smiles and waves and 'BYEEE's!

Don't think I'm going to crib about the commute today :)

Udta Hi Firun In Hawaon Me Kahin

2007-08-29T11:53:00.000+05:30

He He ... the post is neither about the song, nor about the movie, I'm sure there are enough and more bytes lavished on the two. This post is about ... air travel and the funny experiences thereof! Should be fun.

J and I were talking and started discussing the funny and interesting air travel experiences we've had ... she has had many more fun ones! No fair!! Considering that in the job profile I had for the last 3 years, I took no less than 300-350 flights over that period ... what do I have to show for it?

# Stories of me getting stuck with all uncles who want to offer me their raitas and salads when I refuse the stewardess for dinner/lunch?

# Worse still the aunties, who want to know which college I'm in and then they proceed to poke and prod and are finally informed about the going-ons in my life, like ... working?Haaan?!So young. Or, married? Haaan??!!Very good!(plz to note the very good)So young. Lolll.

# Celebrity spottings, most of which excite only the relative's kids who like asking you questions like ... have you seen so and so?I recite the list, the politicians evoke no interest mostly, the rest get - and what was he/she doing/wearing? Wowwwww ... (Grrrrr) Most of them evoked no excitement for me, except of course the time when I saw Javed Jafri, who I think is a dude and I love even more due to his Takeshi's Castle commentary achievements. Now, that impresses me much!:)

(One tiny detour to share one observation, on recent relative visits while the girls tend to stick to the celebrity spotting questions, and the boys have upgraded to car spotting questions! Me being the car enthusiast, is mighty pleased with the boyees progress and la-haul-vila-kuwat much disappointed in the girleez!!)

Ok, moving on to the real interesting ones (most of them are from J's recent trip home)...

This one time J and mom are travelling from Jaipur to somewhere and on their flight is this old, Rajasthani gentleman who is on his first ever flight. He is just soooo excited! So this person, he's wearing the traditional white kurta pajama and a large colorful turban and his kurta is sprinkled with some pink color. Mum explains saying ... he must be the first one from his village to undertake air travel so there must have been some kind of pooja/celebration! :) And he is looking damn cute sitting there all excited in his bright turban! Food is served and he carefully observes the people around him and goes on to do exactly as they are doing. Some irritating air hostesses are scowling at him because he doesn't know what to do ... get a life women ... as if you were born on an aircraft, wearing your high heels! Ok, so the flight lands and at arrivals, our enthu turbaned old man is very surprised and happy to see the conveyor belt and is not sure what it does ... so he decides to do a lil experiment. He has this potli with him, he looks at the moving belt for a while, then places his potli on it and proceeds to watch what happens. When the potli completes the round and comes back to him ... he breaks into a smile and claps with joy!! :) And its reallly awww cute to see his excitement because you don't see that kind of innocent excitement too often these days ... lesser still in grown ups as most people, including kids, feel they should act cool! But what joy ... being able to experience something for the first time and being able to express it too! :)
Another funny one ... J is on some flight from somewhere to somewhere and this person starts to yell,"Madam!Madam!Help me!!Help me!!!!" So J is convinced that he's either having a heart attack or has found a bomb on the flight and that she's going to get delayed in reaching wherever it is that she's going. There is sudden interest from all around and the air hostess runs to him to see whats it about and the yelling man says, still yelling,"Madam!He's not moving from my seat!Do something!" Lollll ... the madam helps the yelling man and the yelling subsides, its all good. I can just picture J, sitting there shaking with laughter.

Ok, there are more but now my time has been claimed by that little pestering thing called work. I'll continue on in part 2 ...

P.S. Madam!Madam!Sir,sir!! Can you please help with this spaces not showing problem?!

P.P.S: I solved the spaces problem but don't want to remove the P.S. :D

Pasta Wasta

2007-08-25T11:26:00.000+05:30

Being someone who is such a food lover ... I can't not gloat over this awesome pasta I made for myself a few weeks ago.

Ladies and Gentlemen, hold your collective breath, what you see above is my world famous (Hello ... my world at least!) Vodka-cream-tomato-basil pasta!I'm a pasta lover and let me tell you ... that was SOME good pasta. Also not visible in the picture is a tall thin frosted chute with some bubbly in it. Should have got it in the picture in hindsight ... not to worry,I'm sure there will be a next time. Em, the bubbly being Appy Fizz ... but how does that matter! If it doesn't look right how will it ever taste right!!

Obviously I saw the recipe somewhere and tried it, I will give, if you ask nicely :)

I may also cook it for you ... if you ... ASK NICELY (read: know enough adjectives to please me) :) :)

Of Food and Crtiques

2007-08-24T22:42:00.000+05:30

Aaaah ... what a way to start the weekend. What a way to end the week!

Sn - this really great woman at work, who is now my really good friend and I, we raced out of office to catch a show of RataTouille. We reached town and as we walked to Sterling to buy the tickets, this young boy of about 8-9 or may be 10-12, I could never tell the age for kids, ya ... so this kid started walking with us and asked for some food. So Sn fished out a bread slice wrapped in foil from her bag and gave it to the boy. The boy, he took a bite, unfolded the folded slice and showed it to us to say there's nothing in/with it. So while Sn is on phone she says she has some salad in her bag and digs out a mayo salad for the boy. Since she's on phone I try to give the boy the salad and since its difficult to fold salad in a slice he's already nibbled at, I ask him to lay out the slice on the salad box's lid. He does as asked and I spread a generous helping of Sn's tasty looking salad on the slice. And now, its all loaded so I'm wondering how will he pick it up, so with Sn still on phone I tell the boy - why don't you eat it off the lid and we'll wait. So there ... he takes a bite ... and just as I'm about to feel the warm glow ... 'just about' I said. The boy goes ... its not nice. Sn and I ask ... what? and he says, "ITS NOT NICE" and even puckers his face to demonstrate the same!! So now he's standing there with Sn's slice and Sn's salad and Sn's box's lid ... not wanting it!How cool is that?! We are dazed for a second and then proceed to get the crazy laugh as he throws it all away to return the lid. He returns it and goes back to asking for Dal-rice; even waves with some style as we walk past after buying the tickets. We? We are still laughing, I more than Sn since I didn't make that salad! I'm just dying because I can't laugh anymore. We are giving him food doesn't mean he has to like our food!

Chef Gusteau would say,"Anyone can cook." I would say, anyone can critique even!! :)

P.S: There's more ... but my eyes are a little tired as I type in the darnkess and shakiness of my car. So more later ...

P.P.S: She's Sn and not S, because S is S.

P.P.P.S: For some weird reason blogger is not showing any of the spaces between the lines!!Why whyyyyy?!

Boond Boond Tapak Rahi Hai Kaynaat Saari ...

2007-08-03T10:34:00.000+05:30

Poetic as it may sound in Hindi, it would translate roughly as 'the cosmos is dripping away in tiny droplets'. But today its no tiny droplets, its more like a sheet of water pouring down. And as always, rain does one of the two things to me - it either makes me all excited and happy OR it makes me melancholy and thoughtful. Today is a strange mix of the two. So here's the jumble of thoughts in my head ...

I started by thinking about the time when I really used to love rains. This one time we were at college and it started raining heavily, B and I were so excited, we just wanted to get soaked.We decided to go to B's place instead of mine, the decision was easy as her place was about 7 Kms. while mine a mere 1-1.5 km. So we stepped out and looked for a rickshaw ... aah, not an auto rickshaw, THE rickshaw which is pulled by the rickshaw guy. So we climbed and started for her place, the rickshaw guy tried to put up those tiny umbrella-like shades they have and we were like ... NO!! We don't want it. And there we went ... a good half an hour (or more?) of a rickshaw ride - singing and talking and laughing in the rain. Some vehicles passing us by looked at us as if we had grown goblin heads or something, and some ... they looked at us and just smiled or even laughed and waved at us. I'm sure they were all wondering why they couldn't do that :) But it was on hell of a ride ... at the end of it i had this feeling, its one i don't get too often, the feeling that I have been soaked to the soul. I like that feeling, its something else :)
And talking about rain, i have to talk about this one time when I was visiting S and he had some work at Marine Drive and i tagged along ... later we were walking by and we could see that it was raining at Malabar hills and then it started moving towards us, so we were like ... there it comes! And it slowly moved over the ocean and in some time it was drenching us! I remember feeling exhilarated :)
My favorite rain song (song featuring something about rain) is 'choti si kahani se, baarishon ke paani se'. And have you ever noticed that music affects you much more when its raining?
Sigh ... I still love them when I am out of this city. The things I love about it? The smell after the first rain (there's a word for it 'saundhi', i like the word as it has the right amount of earthiness to describe this smell), the fresh green leaves,overcast skies, sitting in a window watching it pitterpat, water running down the windows of my home or the car, the way lights look through that water running on the window, the usual coffee and pakodas which are just the thing with a good book for such a day and yes ... the long drives at night on washed roads lined with trees which shine with the yellow street lights. I love the way it gets me excited and i love the way it gets me all thoughtful. But the drive on rain-slick roads with the music of my choice ... that's my fav. I'm a romantic! Never claimed otherwise:)
I used to be outraged when S would say over our infinite long-distance calls ... it sucks, its been raining; and i would go ... What!! You don't like rains?!! And then I moved here and realised that rains ALSO mean mucky roads, muckier sidewalks (where they exist), endless jams, local train compartments with closed doors AND an impossible number of sweaty people inside, flooding, walking through mucky water. Muck just features too often and too much.
It makes me feel guilty. Sitting all snug and seeing people ... children, old people, just people ... standing with the depressed look on their faces, trying to stay out of the rain. I just feel like i don't know what have i done to deserve better. I don't see it.

I feel like that and still ... it starts to rain and there, I'm back to the excited/thoughtful/both place! It just highlights and amplifies every mood and emotion; I think that's its magic, no denying that :)

P.S. This is a really long post! [I've reduced the font size to make it look smaller than it is :)]

Madras Musings

2007-07-23T14:16:00.000+05:30

If they put you on a flight without telling you where it was headed for and you stepped out into the city, you could tell it was Chennai/ Madras simply because ...

Its the outdoor advertising capital of the country. It has the most number of hoardings I've seen in any city and its the first thing you would notice. These also could be further categorised basis their size and usage: 1. Mega hoardings, these are the size of 2-3 normal sized hoardings combined and are reserved for the movie posters. 2. The normal hoardings - primarily used by those wanting to advertise any kind of Sarees or Jewelry. 3. Mini-hoardings, these are exclusively used for political advertising, these mini ones are omnipresent, you can't sweep your eyes about and not spot them every single time.
There are no plain, unadorned walls in Chennai! Every single inch of every wall in every part of the city is covered with large, hand painted figures of their gods - the real gods and then ... Amma, Karunanidhi, other politicians and aah ... Rajni. What catches your eye is not just that these paintings are there everywhere and that they are HUGE but also, how well painted these are - each expression, muscvle and wrinkle in the face visible. Too much!
How can you talk about Chennai and not mention the auto rickshaw guys. After they have tried to fleece you and after much haggling have settled on a still unreasonably high fare, they will go all sweet on you (or may be its just me!) ... on reaching the city, in my ride from the airport to the hotel I knew all about the Chennai weather, the unexpected rains, bad influence of west on Chennai's youth, benefits of learning Tamil and even some Tam words! In exchange I had also given out a status on Mumbai rains, traffic, my marital status, duration of my stay and my familiarity with the city. All this happened with the help of a strange mix of Hindi, English, frantic gestures and a lil Tamil :)

I'm a lil bored of the theme so I will just go on to something else ... I love South Indian food and in my quest for nice Southy food I went to a local joint suggested by someone at office, called Sangeeta, which is near Landmark. I happily ordered my food, got it from the counter and even managed to find a place to sit! As I started eating I looked around and I suddenly realised that anyone could have said without an effort that I was not a local, and all because ...

I was the only girl/woman around not wearing a saree/salwar kameez AND/OR Bindi AND/OR flowers in my hair
I was the only one eating a dosa at lunch time, while everyone else seemed to be having some or the other kind of meal with rice
I was the only one drinking out of a bottled drink - and who could say that an Innocent Sprite could be incriminating evidence!
I was the only girl/woman sharing a table with 3 men I didn't know (there weren't any women sharing tables with men, unless of course they came in together)

BTW, these guys I shared the table with were really nice. As one of them sat down with his food, I shamelessly peeked into his plate and saw this really interesting looking dish, so I thought I can ask him what its called and order that for myself. The greedy me asked him what that yummy looking thing was and there ... he insisted and insisted and went on insisting (with some help from the other two) till I took the bowl of yummy tamarind-sambhar rice from him. He even gave me two of his tiny, white papads saying they go well with that rice!! :)

Its surprising, isn't it, how by just being who you are, you can end up sticking out like a sore thumb among people. And then, with only a steaming bowl of tamarind-sambhar-rice, you are a little more closer to them :)

One way or another, Mr. Borg.

2007-07-09T09:44:00.000+05:30

Mannn, that was some match, wasn't it?! As both Federer and Nadal played to meet our dear Mr. Bjorn Borg's records - Federer to be the next one to win his 5th Wimbledon singles title and Nadal to win French Open and Wimbledon singles back to back.

It became even more exciting as I realllly wanted Nadal to win and S was dying for Federer to win the 5th time. Both of us cheered and booed and got into small petty fights over it all, good fun :) Finally, Federer won and I'm a little disappointed, and even teased S by saying that Nadal made Federer cry!! :) Still, I'm all praise for the game both of them played, I have to agree with Federer when he gracefully said,"I was the lucky one today". It could have been any one of them.

I love the fact that Nadal was able to push it to the point where Federer had to fight it till the last shot and could not assume that the win was his for taking. The emotion when he finally won was that of relief and much more; I'm sure he values it more because he almost didn't get it! And I like Nadal not just because he has this wildness about him (at least to my eyes) and that he can come challenge a champion on his home ground (or surface) and push it this far. I may agree to their brilliance but I don't like people who are too perfect and invisible; I like people who can challenge that in another person. Hey, I have no personal animosity with Federer; but isn't a girl allowed to have her favorites!!

In the end, as I said, it was some game! And it felt monumental just sitting there at home, watching it on my TV and being a part of it.

Just as a separate point ... My interest in Mr. Borg is because he played and looked like a god! He's still god, I guess. Yesterday he sat there looking all distinguished, and so tense! It looked like his own two sons (I have no clue if he has any) were battling it out and he couldn't decide which one we wanted to see as winner! But 27 years to see your record matched, has to be a record of sorts.

At this point I have to mention S, as his years of enthusiastic storytelling about the history and details of various sports has gotten me into it. He's like a walking encyclopedia on this stuff. Sometimes the stories are just fascinating, sometimes just the look on his face as he tells them is :)

Season ... oops, reason for absence

2007-07-07T11:38:00.000+05:30

Not that I have a big fan following but there are people who watch this space; plus I have been missing writing anything especially since there are a hazaar things that have been on my mind and I want to write about. There are even a few unfinished posts sitting in the drafts ... so this post is just about why I haven't been posting anything. Because I have been busy ...

Travelling

Following J around the country; she's in India till July end and I'm trying to spend as much time as possible with her.

Working my ass off

Feeling bone tired and sleepy every waking moment (which on bad days run into 18-20 hours)

Even with all the running around, spending time with S

And yes, past few months have been filled with people ... spending time with my family and close friends (this is not a regular feature as most of them don't stay around me). I have had more house guests than I can count (or remember) ...

Feeling like I'm bored, and wanting to quit my job simply because I'm not thrilled about it anymore and just chill at home (don't know if I can stomach this beyond 3 days, but I do want to find out)

Reading during my longggg morning commutes and napping/ catching up on the phone calls during the commute back

Communicating with all friends who are not around me

There, that is almost it. I feel like I have more to do than I right now have time and energy for! But does that mean I won't do all this? Low chance.

In places this sounds like a crib post. Its not, its just my explanation to myself about what exactly is it that I have been so busy with. And now I know! Anyway, isn't that what my blog is about? to be in on my physical reality and the parallel surreal.

The Crane Sisters

2007-06-29T14:50:00.000+05:30

This is one of the best conversations i've ever had. Its with J and it happened after we chatted about something that was on her mind.

J: Every time I have some trouble and I talk to you, I feel a weight has been lifted off me

Me: :) Which means I am your crane!! I will always be your crane and will lift the weight :)

Just so you know, its taken me many years to become this for you, where we are more equal as friends and it does not always matter who the elder one is. But you, you’ve always been my crane :)

J: That is not true , you have always been my crane too. Its just that being younger you never realized that. You have always inspired me to be a better person and you have supported me in no matter what I did. You are my crane!

Me: :) :) That makes me very happy! We are the crane sisters!! :D

J: how cool, the crane sisters!

Wisdom or Youth?

2007-06-25T16:46:00.000+05:30

This poem is one of my all time favourites, I share this with you guys alongwith the questions it always brings for me.

Wisdom

When I have ceased to break my wings
Against the faultiness of things,
And learned that compromises wait
Behind each hardly opened gate,
When I have looked Life in the eyes,
Grown calm and very coldly wise,
Life will have given me the Truth,
And taken in exchange -- my youth.

- Sara Teasdale

What would you want, if you had the choice? and in that is hidden the question, what would you do?

If you knew this profound truth that the wisdom you get is at the cost of your spirit, your youth; what would you do? Would you still wager your lost wars and trudge alone for the endless quests? Which end of the bargain would you go for?

Me?? I think my choices were made for me, I'm wired in a certain way and that takes care of stuff like this. I don't have to wonder too much about them. Its always the heart. The head may know all that's there to know, but its always the heart, the instinct that I go by. Isn't that what the question is?

Give me the wings, and I will not hesitate to break them against every possible faultiness. No doubt life may be easier , for now, if I could digest the compromises. But, Youth I must have, as its the flow of life itself! (And I do hope you don't confuse youth with age here.)

Wisdom ... I don't worry about much, they say I was born with an older soul ;)

Midnight Munching

2007-06-23T00:25:00.000+05:30

It has to be crazy, wanting to know (every five mins.) how many people have visited your blog in the 6 hours and some minutes since it opened its wonder-filled,innocent eyes in this blogosphere and stretched :)

The excuse for starting this post at 12:30 AM is to write about these midnight cravings I've had my entire life. Its like an unwritten law ... if you are awake beyond 12:25 AM, you HAVE TO have a snack. Even if you had dinner at 11:55 PM. But the good part is that I'm not the only one in on this, at least three of my favourite people - J, S and B also have it and i have the fondest memories of yummy snacks of bhujia and pickle, bhujia and curd, bhujia with sauce on a toast being had amongst wonderfully crazy conversation and hysterical laughter. Now since S is the one around me these days and he also (mercifully) has this affliction, we have these nice, fun conversations over much midnight munching.

So if you are not into it, and have wasted beautiful nights of your life with no munching whatsoever, the time has come to rectify things!! Take charge of your life ... er, night and grab that snack! All you need now is few crazy mates, some solumates and a bowl of dates (bhujia doesnt rhyme, you see). And you have a soulful of midnight munchies. Must have, its the law!

I think i forgot to mention two important things here -

1. J, B and me have this ... condition, its this horrible disease which leaves you crazy and hysterical after midnight strikes so that every thing makes you laugh till you are choking and there are tears running down your face. B is the worst case on this.

2. Bhujia here refers to bikaneri bhujia, aka bhujia sev in Maharashtra but that is just dummy stuff; bikaneri bhujiya is the queen of all bhujias. My love for it is legendary, I could make breakfast, lunch, dinner and any other untimely snack enjoyable for myself if only I had some bhujia. When I don't getto meet my mom-dad for some time and mystock runs out, they send me couriers filled with the packets of the delightful thing! I would name a country after it, if i could.

The Forever Nomad

2007-06-22T17:06:00.000+05:30

This is not the typical 'first post' stuff but considering that it says so much about me and explains why I call myself 'the nomad'; it'll have to do! Works fine for me.

Here goes ...

This world has changed so much, hasn’t it? When I was a child people did not move about so much, they looked for stability, settling down. Now a days everyone is looking for a change, people look out for experiences, better jobs, more money or just … experiences. Its just ok to take a decision to pick up your life and go to another city, country and start afresh.

Which is why I got thinking and was a little surprised when this person asked this friend who was leaving for another country for work … do you have family there, do you know people, why did you want to move out?! Some people still live with that need for stability, the questions innocently implied that why would you want to uproot unless it’s a matter of life and death. And I thought, how can you not move? And it suddenly put me on the opposite end of the spectrum.

By some cosmic design and sometimes by choice I grew up and stayed in many places, enjoyed each one and has such fond memories of each one. Broke my heart each time we moved to leave friends, places behind but I think you learn much more easily when you are young. I learnt it early enough. And I also learnt that the ache in the heart is replaced quickly with the excitement of the new. You do not forget things you leave behind or don’t stop missing them but each place has a different life of its own and without knowing that you are giving in – you give in to that and become a part of its colossal rhythm. Explore new, meet new people, enjoy it, get scared, get lost, start finding your comfort corners (and fav eateries!) … find your bearings, give it some time and lo! You have a new life in a new place.

I never realized how much it became a part of me until I called myself a nomad in a job interview, I remember a few snippets from what I said … I grew up in so many places that I adapt easily. I have seen different kinds of lives and have taken each one of them inside me. I have come to know that surprises are the norm. I have life experiences. I am at ease in sleepy small town, a campus away from civilization, the fast growing cities, the metropolitan cities … I am a citizen of them all! And it’s a nice feeling … suddenly I realized that the world belonged to me because I belonged to it! I would never be an outsider or a stranger in any place!
(I must have been convincing because I got the job, and even with my nomadic schemas I’m still with the place after almost 4 years.)

When I talk about it some people look at me with dismay and even pity … to begin with I could never agree with people’s sense of superiority about having lived in a particular city all their lives and not having experienced anything else. I mean, I can understand them feeling attached and at home but feeling good about not knowing anything else? Sorry, something I can never understand. And this phenomenon is not just about places, its about everything … languages, music etc. … "I don’t know anything about Hindi music so I’m cool?" Sorry again. Basic research funda : if you test it in Solus you will know how good it is ON ITS OWN, only a comparative evaluation tells you if its better or worse than the other ones … so people, compare ONLY if you have experienced anything else. I digressed like I mostly do, uninformed, opinionated people are a touchy topic with me.

Picking up the thread … pity would be required if you lost everything you gained when you left a place, and I believe it is in one’s control to choose that. In any place, people are the one thing that make it what it is, and if you can take them with you … keep in touch and keep them in your life, it can be worthwhile. This has worked fine for me with all places except Delhi - but that is another post.

I think its an experience which changes something very basic in you, almost like impacting your DNA. Even when you are settled and comfortable in a place you get these pangs and heartaches when someone else gets the chance to go and live a different, new life. It’s a curse in a way that no place is perfect anymore, you have lived and soaked-in so many things that no one place can sate your desire for more, for all of it. So even if you decide to live and settle in one place the heart remains the forever nomad.

Its glorious and its painful, knowing you are one.